We’re now just a few weeks away from celebrating Halloween — and I don’t know about you, but I’m already dreading it. As a self-professed Halloween Hater, I can’t believe that we’re doing this whole “dress-up” thing again this year. Without the candy! That’s what continues to get me. As a child, Halloween was fun because we got candy (as well as a working knowledge of which neighbors were self-righteous dentists with too much floss on their hands). But now we just get dressed up as Sexy Nurses and Sexy Pirates and Sexy Quinoa, go to a crowded party, get stabbed in the eyes with Sexy Angel wings, fight with a Sexy Devil to get to the bar and go home with only half of the props that we came with. All in all, it’s a disastrous night that I would much rather sit out. However people look at you like you’re Medusa’s ugly stepsister if you stay in on this sacred holiday.
So this year, rather than getting dressed up in some silly costume and sketchily leaving the party before it’s over, I thought we could think of some fun costumes that make being MIA totally appropriate. I started off the list with 10, but I’d appreciate any other suggestions that don’t require you to come up with an excuse before you leave the party.
1. North West
Throw on a black shirt and a diaper, practice your longing look and prepare to spend about 30 seconds at the party.
2. The Mother in HIMYM
(Photo: CBS via IMDb)
Shhh, don’t speak. Tell no one your name or who you know at the party. Your entire being should say mystery. Stay just long enough to get noticed, but not a moment longer.
3. Emily in Hocus Pocus
A costume that lets you wear your pajamas to a party? Check! A chance to wear a bonnet? Double check. Sure this costume involves looking frightened, but odds are that a few of the “sexy” outfits you’ll see out will actually frighten you — on behalf of humanity.
(Photo: Universal Picture via IMDb)
Have a few parties that you need to semi-commit to this Halloween? No costume gives you a better reason to pop in and out than this one. Just remember to practice walking through walls.
5. Snow White
(Photo: Disney via IMDb)
Looking to get in a few zzz’s at your party? Well look no further than this costume? Bonus? You get to eat an apple! At a party!
6. The Daughters in Prisoners
(Photo: Alcon Entertainment via IMDb)
Show up at the beginning of the party. Tell people you’re going to the bathroom. Never come back. Want to take this to the next level? Don’t answer your “where are you” texts until the morning.
7. The First Morgan in Boy Meets World
The best part of this ’90s throwback costume is that you don’t ever have to explain where you went. Team up with a friend to be old and new Morgan so you both only have to show up for half the time.
8. Luke Hemsworth
It’s so obscure that people won’t notice you left because they didn’t notice you were there. Just make sure to bring two of your best-looking friends with you.
9. A Dad from a Lifetime Movie
It would simply be out of character if you stuck around. Either come at the very beginning of the party or at the very end. At no point should you be there in middle of the party.
10. The President On Veep
(Photo: Lacey Terrell via IMDb)
This one’s the most fun because you don’t even have to show up. Just make sure to send your friend to the party every once in a while to deliver any urgent messages.