While you spent this weekend going through the process of putting on clothes (both tops and bottoms), Miley Cyrus spent it not doing that. She did not open up her closet and debate what to wear to the iHeartRadio Music Festival on Saturday. She did not try on a million outfits and send selfies to her friends so that they could help her pick the right one. And she did not go tearing through her laundry basket and seeing if her favorite shirt — that she totally meant to wash this week — smelled clean enough to wear.
Nope, she simply grabbed her black pasties, her signature white underwear, her black underwear harness and her favorite hairnet-turned-dress and threw it all on. Then, in case it got cold, she threw on two polar bear arms that she’d recently ripped off the body of a live polar bear during a music video shoot.
Even though I’m 96% sure that she wanted to look “shocking” in this outfit, it instead just looks like something she stole off a mannequin in the backroom of a Spencer’s Gifts. Rather than making everyone go “WTF,” it just makes us feel like we caught Miley stuck in another moment of teenage rebellion. A rebellion she’ll never really get to see through to the end due to the fact that her father never objects to anything she does. (A therapist somewhere strokes his beard and saying “mhmm, that is interesting.”)
So despite wanting to look scandalous in this non-outfit, she just ended up looking as silly as Stephanie Tanner looked when she smoked in the middle school bathroom with Gia on Full House. Miley, sweetheart, let me be your Danny Tanner and let me be the one to tell you that you don’t have to work so hard to show us you’re grown up. When you get there, we’ll all know. Until then, try to wear clothes.
(Photo: Try CW/WENN.com)