Even though it still feels like it’s a while away, Halloween is right around the corner, you guys. But you don’t have to start getting prepared for it now if you don’t want to — you could do what you always do (read: what I always do) and wait until the very last minute to come up with any costume ideas. That’s a fun strategy that always ends in me wearing footie pajamas and a mustache at a party. Or, if that’s not your style, you could start planning now, or two months ago or whatever, and actually have a decent costume for once, and impress all your friends, and then fall asleep somewhere before anyone even leaves for the party. That’s…also a real thing that I have done on more than one occasion. Do yourself a favor and never invite me to your party.
Or, if neither of those non-strategies are your bag, then you could take a page out of these celebrities’ books, who spend their entire year — nay their entire lives – planning their costumes. At least I assume that’s what’s happening, because there’s no way that humans would choose to dress like this on an everyday basis for no reason, right? They have to be trying out different ideas or something, otherwise I’m worried that I’m the subject of a massive episode of Punk’d.
Because whether you like their style or not (spoiler alert: I usually don’t), you have to admit that there are a bunch of celebrities in the world who consistently dress like every day is Halloween. And instead of being baffled by them, like I am for the rest of the year, I’m choosing to use their exploits to benefit myself, and mine their outfits for ideas. Or at least be impressed with their self-confidence at repeatedly leaving their homes like that. Either way.
So here they are, friendlies — 17 Celebrities Who Always Look Like They’re Wearing A Halloween Costume:
1. LADY GAGA
Costume theme: Trendy Alien
I mean, come on. This is the woman who wore a lobster on her head, hatched out of an egg, and invented the meat dress. THE MEAT DRESS. You knew she’d be on this list.
2. MILEY CYRUS
Costume theme: Rebellious Mermaid
It’s hard to call it a costume when it consists of a few sticky notes and some netting, but I have to call it that to avoid calling an intervention for Miley to make sure she’s okay. She dresses like a Dr. Seuss character about to star in her first porn.
3. JUSTIN BIEBER
Costume theme: Baby Gangster
You got your diaper pants, your no shirts, your enormous hats, your sunglasses inside — these are ways that people dress their babies up right before they take a funny Instagram of them. Admit it.
(Photo: Dennis Van Tine / Future Image / WENN)
Costume theme: Jersey Barbie
With all that Jersey Shore money, Snooki has been able to buy herself a lot of things: bigger, whiter teeth, a slimmer body, a better make-up artist, and a less orange-y tan. But you know what money can’t buy you? The fashion sense not to overlap leopard-print and sequins.
Costume theme: Lazy Spy
I can’t even get a fix on this girl. She changes her hair pretty much once a month, and every time she does, it includes a full overhaul of her style. Fairly certain Rihanna was born in a lab and sent here to be the real-life equivalent of Sydney Bristow from Alias. Just with more pot.
6. KRIS JENNER
Costume theme: Cocktail Waiter
Some people can make a black and white suit look classy (mostly men, but surprisingly not Bruce Jenner), but on Kris it always gives me a craving for a whole tray of pigs in a blanket.
7. CHRISTINA AGUILERA
Costume theme: Peacock Dominatrix
Another celebrity valiantly fighting the abomination that is pants in Hollywood. Xtina is partial to bright colors, hats, complicated contraptions, and admitting absolutely nothing about her body shape.
8. JOHNNY DEPP
(Photo: Yukio Tomita/Future Image/WENN)
Costume theme: Casual Pirate
Johnny dresses like a swash-buckling combination of a safari guide / pirate who found a time machine and immediately fell so in love with the concept of Casual Fridays that he decided never to go back.
9. NICKI MINAJ
Costume theme: Flirty Toddler
I’ll never be truly convinced that Toddlers And Tiaras wasn’t based on Nicki’s personal style choices.
10. TAYLOR SWIFT
Costume theme: Sexy Flag
Taylor dresses like the high school-age daughter of Uncle Sam and Rosie the Riveter. She has a strict dress code of red, white, blue, and teenage, and it shan’t be deviated from in any way, even for her friends.
11. ELTON JOHN
Costume theme: Noble Discoball
If anyone else dressed the way Elton John does, I’d give them no end of crap. But he pioneered it and he owns it, and he can wear all sparkly diamond suits he wants.
12. KATY PERRY
(Photo: Apega / WENN.com)
Costume theme: Vintage Cupcake
Katy Perry. Probably the closest thing we have to a living cartoon in the world right now. Her boobs shoot whipped cream, her hair has been pretty much every bright color, and I’m fairly convinced that animated birds and squirrels help her get dressed in the morning. As a side note, please never eat a vintage cupcake. Eggs go bad, ya’ll.
Costume theme: Skanky Hobo
I’d shy away from the word ‘skanky’ with any other celebrity, but I genuinely feel like that’s exactly what Ke-dollar sign-ha is aiming for. She’s what a drunk homeless person would look like if they fell into a cauldron of cocaine and gold glitter, did that seventeen more times, and then hopped up onstage to sing a song about it.
14. SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Costume theme: Derby Realness
Sarah Jessica Parker. I’ll give her a pass because she was Carrie on Sex And The City, and these things take time to flush out of your system, but someone should probably tell SJP that not ever occasion is worthy of a fascinator.
15. ‘LIL KIM
Costume theme: Vegas Skittle
Her day has kind of come and gone, but does anyone else remember those sparkly nipple tassles? She would wear, like, a long sleeved suit on one side of her body, and just a boob flower on the other one.
Costume theme: Mother’s Day Present
I’m still not completely clear what Bjork is going for, but I know she could achieve it in a kindergarten classroom on crafts day, so let’s just say that for now, until we get a little more information.
17. MICKEY ROURKE
Costume theme: Aging Hamburger
Everything’s just getting looser and more burger-y as time passes, but at least he’s sticking with a theme.