Everyone, hold onto your hats. And hold your breath. And get on the edge of your seat. However it is that you prepare yourself for shocking, unbelievable news, please do that, because Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth‘s reps have finally — FINALLY — confirmed that their engagement is off.
That’s right folks, a piece of news that Crushable started predicting six months ago has finally been confirmed on this, the sixteenth day of September in the two thousand and thirteenth year of our lord. Praise be to the Great God Of Pop Culture In The Sky. I will always remember where I was in this moment. Sitting at my computer, truly believing in my heart of hearts that Miley’s engagement ring is still at the cleaners for re-re-re-polishing. Gazing out the window at the Manhattan skyline, trusting in the fact that Liam was very proud of his baby girl for her performance at the VMAs.
And now, after putting my faith in their love for six long months, I come to find out that this has all been a lie? That love is dead? That fairytales aren’t real? How am I supposed to cope with this information? The only possible silver lining is that it looks like Liam did at least take our advice on upcoming opportunities to break up with Miley. Although now I’m just curious as to which opportunity he took. I’m betting it was the poop-throwing one.
Miley and Liam had been engaged since May 2012 and dating since June 2009, with some brief breaks in between for them both to come up for air and decide that it was still a really good idea to get engaged at ages nineteen and twenty. All of America weeps for the death of this charade. Except for the girls that Liam could potentially rebound with. They do not weep. They crow.