• Mon, Sep 16 - 8:19 am ET

Everyone Needs To Watch This Video Of A Fan Attempting To Kidnap Beyonce While She’s Performing

fan pulls beyonce off stage

After watching this video of Beyonce continuing to perform as a fan pulls her off stage and into the crowd during a San Paulo concert, I’m 99% convinced that she’s God. The only reason that I’m not 100% sure is because there is a very small part of me, 1% to be exact, that believes she’s a time-traveling robot sent here from the future to kill us. There’s no other explanation for how she continues to bounce back so quickly after being attacked by (plugged-into-the-wall) fans and (human being) fans. Yes there’s that one millisecond, that’s captured in this GIF, where her eyes bulge out and she expresses fear — but other than that, it’s all a routine kidnap ‘n rescue in the middle of a concert.

As a person who literally gets distracted from walking by a nickel on the ground (will I look cheap if I pick it up? I’ll just pick it up, who cares. Ugh but do I really need a nickel. What can you even get with a nickel? If I bend down, I’ll have to stand up and that’s effort that I wasn’t really planning on putting in today. But I dunno, I would like that nickel), I truly cannot fathom how she continues to sing as the fan bear-hugs her into the audience. Nor can I understand how she possibly starts dancing around the stage milliseconds after her security team rescues her from the fan’s clutches. It all goes down so flawlessly that I can’t help but wonder if she’s starting to work kidnappings into her routine.

The whole thing gets even more surreal after she finishes singing the song and then introduces herself to the fan.

“Oh hello there human being fan with strong arms and a mighty grasp, may I ask your name and your favorite number from tonight? Also what you were planning on doing with me once you had me?”

Seriously if you watch this video and still consider her a human being, then you’re an idiot. Open your eyes, there’s no way that she’s made out of the same stuff as the rest of us.

(GIF: Tumblr)

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  • Alexis Rhiannon

    Oh my god, Looney Tunes.

  • FauxRealFaux

    I decided that Beyonce was a robot after that concert footage, that showed her falling down multiple steps, and as soon as she stop rolling she continued to dance.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      She’s a monster, but in the best way.

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  • BionicBey

    LOL this write up was amazing! I haven’t laughed at something written on a blog since the Wig Crypt and Beyonceitis shut down it’s doors. Thank you kindly :-D

    Oh… and I believe she’s a robot sent from the future to save man kind

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