In news that shocks us for all the wrong reasons, Miley Cyrus (or, if you’ve downloaded the “No Cyrus” app, ##### #####) has dyed her hair brown. Or brunette, if you prefer to talk fancy. Her new style was captured on video in Paris as Miley greeted fans and posed for various pictures with her tongue as far out of her mouth as she could get it. Come on, Miles, leave something to the imagination. If you give away the tongue for free to fans what are we supposed to cringe at during award shows?
What could have motivated her to ditch her blonde locks and go darker? I have a theory, and I’d like to tell you all about it if that’s all right. If it’s not all right, too bad, I’m going to tell you anyway. Just yesterday we mentioned that Miley’s one of the many celebrities who are losing their shock value. She keeps doing outrageous things but her edge is quickly disappearing. What’s a girl to do when she’s run out of shocking behavior to display for our entertainment/horror? She resorts to de-shockifying herself. What’s more shocking than a typically shocking person doing non-shocking things? Here’s another question you don’t have to answer right away: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Take your time and get back to me.
Maybe next week Miley will bring her pants back into the rotation, and then the week after that she’ll only twerk four days a week instead of seven. And eventually she’ll be back to her old self and we’ll be bored again, which is exactly the time she’ll go even wilder than she did the last time, shaving her entire head and getting a huge tattoo across her scalp. And we’ll gasp and clutch our pearls and go make popcorn all over again. It’s the circle of life. Or the circle of twerk, if you will. Maybe just the circle twerk.
Check out Miley’s new locks below, but I’ll warn you again that her tongue makes many appearances, so if you’re not so into that maybe look away.