If there’s one thing Hollywood loves, it’s a sequel. And a prequel. And a remake. And an adaptation. And a Broadway show based on a movie. And then a movie based on the Broadway show that was inspired by the first movie. Basically anything besides an original idea. But right now I want to focus on the sequels. There are so many in development at any given moment that it can be hard to keep track of which ones are really happening and which one is just a fever dream you had about Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love turning into a zombie and giving up the praying and loving in favor of just the eating… brains.
Because we at Crushable like to keep you abreast (teehee) of all the goings-on in Hollywood, we’ve compiled a list of upcoming movie sequels you might not have known were happening. Or maybe you just assumed they were happening because it’s safe to assume that at least five sequels to every movie will happen eventually.
1. Jurassic World
That’s right. The dinosaurs are back in town. This fourth installment in the Jurassic Park series has a release date set for June 12, 2015, and Steven Spielberg will be back to produce, but not direct. Oh, and in case you were worried, it’ll be in 3D. Plot details have been hard to come by, but I’m gonna put my money down on the “dinosaurs getting loose around people” storyline. Fingers crossed.
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man Tell No Tales
Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley didn’t even star in the fourth installment of this franchise that started the trend of basing movies on theme park rides and board games. Johnny Depp is great and all, but that was sorta sad. Johnny will be back for this one, because I’m pretty sure he’s just resigned himself to the fact that he’s no longer a weird indie guy. The release date was set for 2016 after production was recently delayed. HOW WILL WE WAIT?
3. Avatar 2, 3, and 4
Sigh. Really, Hollywood? Really? You need three sequels to this movie about blue people reenacting Pocahontas? The only thing that would make this even more annoying is if director James Cameron was being really cocky about it. Oh wait… If you’re a fan, please explain yourself, and then listen when I tell you that these movies will start being released in December 2016.
4. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
I’d like this a lot better if it were called Dawn of the Rise of the Planet of the Apes, just to keep things complicated, but alas, it’s not. It’s a prequel to the original films but a sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Usually I’d be pretty indifferent about this, but Andy Serkis is returning to do motion capture on Caesar the ape, and that means another chance at him getting a long overdue Oscar nod. A release date is set for July 18, 2014. P.S. James Franco will not be in this one. Sorry/you’re welcome.
5. Transformers: Age of Extinction
Seriously, movie people? Is this a prank? This will be the fourth installment in Michael Bay’s franchise. I love how many colons we’re seeing in these titles to make us forget how many of these things we’ve been conned into paying for. A release is set for June 2014, with stars like Mark Wahlberg attached, if you’re into that.
6. Finding Dory
It’s hard not to love a movie that has Ellen DeGeneres reprising her role as a forgetful fish, but am I the only one who’s lost interest in the once perfect Disney/Pixar? Brave was great, but Cars 2 and Monsters University just didn’t pull me in, partly because they were sequels. We shall see. The movie’s set for 2015.
7. Mission: Impossible 5
Tom Cruise is returning to probably scale more buildings and hopefully jump on a few more couches. Only time will tell. It’s expected to be released in 2015.
8. Zoolander 2
Jennifer Aniston’s hubby-to-be Justin Theroux penned and will direct this next installment in the greatest male modeling saga of our time. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are reported to be returning, so have no fear. The release date is still uncertain, however.
9. Dumb and Dumber To
Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are back to reprise their roles as idiots in this new story in which Lloyd and Harry go searching for one of their lost children to get a kidney. There was already a prequel called Dumb and Dumberer, but we’re just going to forget that even happened. We should probably forget the original happened too, but whatever. Looks like this will be out some time in 2014.
10. Ghostbusters 3
Rumors have been swirling about this one for a while, but in July director Ivan Reitman said that “real progress is being made.” Bill Murray, however, isn’t interested in starring, so if it is made, he probably won’t even be in it. But in that case, is it really even worth it? Let’s just rewatch the original.
11. The Girl Who Played With Fire
Remember when the novel The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was all anyone could talk about a few years ago? And remember when the adaptation came out with Rooney Mara and Daniel Craig even after the entire series had been adapted in Sweden? Considering the fact that the American version didn’t do great moneywise or Oscarwise, there was some uncertainty about the second book being adapted, but the screenplay is being reworked, so who the hell knows anymore?
12. Snow White and the Huntsman 2
This one’s set for 2015 with Kristen Stewart returning. But before you get your knickers in a bunch, Rupert Sanders, aka Kristen Stewart’s “lovah,” will not be returning to direct. Kristen said it’s “gonna be f—-n’ amazing,” though, so there’s that.
13. Ted 2
I had high hopes for the original Ted, once I realized it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke. I actually love Family Guy and defended Seth MacFarlane after the Oscars, so I thought I’d like it. I was pretty disappointed. Needless to say I’m not exactly itching for a sequel. If you are, though, you can expect it in April 2015.
14. The Avengers: Age of Ultron
This was pretty much a given, considering the disgusting amount of money the original made. Who will play the title villain Ultron, you ask? King of Creepers James Spader, of course. I happen to think he’s awesome, so I might have to hang up my “No Superheroes Ever” hat and go see this one. But probably not, if I’m being honest. You can expect it in May 2015.