Long long ago, in a kingdom far away, there existed a world in which no one had yet beheld Miley Cyrus twerking herself into a froth on the stage of the VMAs. In reality, that was only three weeks ago, but it’s so burned into my brainholes by now that it feels like it always was and is and always shall be.
But excitingly enough, my favorite part of this controversy is just starting — the backlash from ultra-conservative people complaining about what their eyes beheld that fateful night. I even happen to agree with them that it was completely inappropriate, but it’s very amusing to me because A. their overreactions and phrasing are hilarious to me and B. they’re complaining to the FCC, which has absolutely no control over what goes on cable.
I could try to explain it in more detail, but no one knows how to express themselves more hilariously than these indignant old people, so here are nine of my favorite quotes for you to read through on your own, and imagine that they were written anonymously by Liam Hemsworth. Just bear in mind that the spelling is theirs, though the enjoyment is mine.
- She has shown what she is acting like a devil flicking that tongue as deamons do.
- I watched the VMA with my family and was surprised and disgusted to see Lady Gaga’s outfits and how Miley Cyrus was dressed yet alone her performance gyrating and sexual gestures with that stupid foam finger with Robin Thicke who is old enough to be her father. I thought I was watching child porn!
- My daughter was even surprised of Slutty Cyrus.
- Miley Cyrus (an actress/recording artist) twerked (danced a provocative booty dance) up against Robin Thicke’s (a recording artist/actor) genitalia. Also, she groped a woman’s posterior-without hesitation.
- i think this was much, much worse than that disaster at the super bowl with one of the jackson girls.
- Dressed in a “skimpy” latex bikini, she bent over to rub her buttocks against Robin Thicke’s groin which caused him to have a slight erection which can be easily noticed through his pants.
- Had I wanted my family to see a hooker perform a live sex show, I would have taken her to Tijuana.
- [...] I sat down to watch some PG rated TV with my family and we got a crude, pornography, sex show shoved in our face. Sure I could turn it off ? I DID! But I would have like to have known BEFORE I sat down with the family to watch this vulgar and offensive show. Once my family saw this disgusting behavior, it was too late.
- Miley Syres did a performance with teddy bears, sticking he butt in a man face, making obscene, suggestive movements, resembling a porn show. It was very offensive, and upsetting at a time when children would be watching the show. MTV was also airing condum commercials. This was rated X, this was prime time, and suppose to be safe for children 14, and up. It was disgraceful and upsetting. It had children running to their parents, and parents jaws dropping. The want to see the FCC take action against them.
I feel so happy in this moment.