• Fri, Sep 13 - 11:09 am ET

2013′s New Fall TV Shows Reviewed And Ranked By The Crushable Staff

ALBERT TSAI, NATALIE MORALES, GIANNA LEPERA, RYAN SCOTT LEE, MALIN AKERMAN, BRADLEY WHITFORD, MARCIA GAY HARDEN, MICHAELA WATKINS

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We’re thrilled to announce that the 2013 Fall Pilot TV season’s right around the river bend. In fact, a few new shows have already premiered on TV as well as online and we couldn’t be more excited about it. After all, when you live and breathe television as much as we do at Crushable, you get pretty jazzed when something new comes along that you can add to your list of “shows I obsess over!” At the same time, we get just as disappointed when a promising new show struts its way onto our screens and then reveals itself to be a total dud. You know what they say — great cast, great premise, horrible personality. But the pain’s always worth the gain during pilot season and we usually emerge from it with a new favorite or two.

While this time of year’s obviously very exciting for us, we know that it’s incredibly stressful for others. Especially others who don’t literally make it their job to watch every new show. Every quality TV viewer wants to know what’s worth watching and what’s worth passing on and we’re here to make that easy for you. After all, your DVR can only hold so many shows.

So to help your organize your viewing schedule in the most productive (and enjoyable) way possible, we’re reviewing and ranking (almost) all the new shows out there. They’re currently ranked in order from watch-right-now to wait-until-you-are-home-on-a-Saturday-night-for-some-sad-reason.

But, there’s a twist! We’ll keep updating it as new shows keep airing — so you’ll have to keep checking back every day to see if you’re still on your correct TV watching track.

Masters of Sex airs Sundays at 10:00 PM on Showtime

Masters of Sex stars Michael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan as the pioneers of the sexual revolution. Watching the many sex scenes will make you feel slightly like a voyeur, but I’d assume that’s kind of the intention. Although this based-on-a-true-story pilot starts out a little bit on the slower side, it’ll hook you by the end. Especially since the parts of the Dr. William Masters (Sheen) and Virginia Johnson (Caplan) are so perfectly cast.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 9

The Michael J. Fox Show airs Thursdays at 9:30 PM on NBC

The Michael J. Fox show is just as likeable as its title star, and that’s pretty likeable. Fox plays Mike Henry, a news anchor returning to work after taking time off post-Parkinson’s diagnosis. The show has a familiar, comfortable vibe that makes you feel like you’ve been watching for years, mostly due to the great chemistry among the cast. It looks like the show will be able to handle the Parkinson’s jokes in a way that doesn’t turn it into the focus of the show. Not to mention it’s downright funny and feel-good. I’d definitely recommend giving it a watch.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 9

The Tomorrow People airs Wednesdays at 9 PM on The CW

If you like science fiction TV, it’s a good bet that you’ll be a fan of The Tomorrow People. It follows the story of a teenager (played by Robbie Amell) who discovers that he has superhero abilities and that the continuation of his species hinges on his help in defeating Ultra, the organization that wants to wipe them out. You’ve got your fight scenes, super powers, and futuristic technology, all without leaving character development behind. It’s a fun and interesting show, so I say go for it.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 9

Hostages airs Mondays at 10:00 PM on CBS

Hostages, which stars Dylan McDermott and Toni Collette, is a pretty good network drama-thriller, if you can excuse the sometimes cheesy-ish lines. It’s about a surgeon, Ellen Sanders (Collette), who, along with her husband and children, is taken hostage by a team of professionals just before she has to operate on the President of the United States. The leader of the group of capturers, Duncan Carlisle (McDermott), orders Ellen to kill the president during the surgery, lest her family be killed instead. So, yeah, you get an annoying line here and there, but I’m going to chalk it up to it being the very first episode, where things like that sometimes happen. The draw of this show, though, is that the plot is both strong and versatile, both factors in keeping everyone interested. I’d say it’s worth a watch.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 8.5

The Originals airs Tuesdays at 8:00 PM on The CW

Whether or not you love hit series The Vampire Diaries, you will certainly become addicted to its spinoff, The Originals. The show is focused on siblings from the original vampire family in history: Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah. This spinoff is much darker and sexier than its origin show, and, with characters who have been around for thousands of years, there are plenty of opportunities for flashback episodes. Bonus: the siblings’ British accents make everything they say and do even hotter. Tuesday nights may seem slow, but trust that this show will make it all better.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 8

Ironside airs Wednesdays at 10:00 PM on NBC

Ironside, a show about a police officer in a wheelchair (Blair Underwood), who we’re also calling ‘the toughest cop in the city’ (yes, New York City, one of the least handicap-accessible places ever), is the worst show I have ever seen in my whole life, so you’re probably wondering why it’s so highly ranked. Well, that’s because it’s so ridiculous and so outrageously mishandles the handicapped status of its leading man that it verges on parody. Honestly, it’s ridiculous, but you need to watch it immediately so I’m not alone in all of this. It’s forty-two minutes of him miraculously appearing in apartment walk-ups, on rooftops, and in the passenger seat of cars without any acknowledgement of how he got there. He’s just like regular cops, guys, don’t think too hard about it. I know the producers didn’t. Please watch it, if only for the line, “Hey man, are you really a cripple?” Which is totally a thing that people say to each other in real life.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 8

Witches of East End airs Sundays at 10:00 PM on Lifetime

Witches of East End, which stars Jenna Dewan-Tatum, Julia Ormond, and Rachel Boston, is exactly what you’d expect from a supernatural episodic coming from Lifetime. There are a lot of characters to try and keep up with, but the story of the central characters goes something like this: two sisters discover that they are witches when their mother finally confesses this secret to them after keeping it hidden for their own safety. It involves a lot of coming back from the dead and spells that require hand-holding and Latin chants. But, for all of its over-the-top drama, it provides just as much entertainment. This show isn’t for the TV snob, but it’s good if you’re in for a fun, casual watch that you don’t need to over-think.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 7

The Trophy Wife airs Tuesdays at 9:30 PM ET on ABC

The Trophy Wife follows Kate (Malin Ackerman) as she attempts to adjust to her new marriage to Brad (Bradley Whitford) as well as her three new step-kids. It’s not only written by the incredibly funny comedian Sarah Haskinsbut also based on her real marriage. While the pilot didn’t make me ROTFL, it did make me chuckle a few times — and that’s impressive for a comedy pilot that’s tasked with introducing all the characters and being funny. It certainly has the potential to be funny as well as to replace Modern Family as the go-to show about dysfunctional families that somehow make it work by the end of the episode.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 7

The Blacklist airs Mondays at 10:00 PM on NBC

On The Blacklist, one of the America’s most wanted fugitives, Raymond “Red” Reddington (James Spader), turns himself in and agrees to give information to the FBI about other criminals, claiming they have common interests. The catch is that he’ll only speak to young profiler Elizabeth Keen (Megan Boone). James Spader is great as usual in this Hannibal Lecter-style role, and the show as a whole is often preposterous but pretty enjoyable. Even though a lot of the FBI talk went in one ear and out the other for me, I could appreciate the suspense and feel for the characters. It’s worth testing out the pilot, but it might not be for everyone.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 7

The Millers airs Thursdays at 8:30 PM ET on CBS

CBS’ new comedy, The Millers, which stars everyone’s favorite illusionistWill Arnett, gets credit for being funnier than I expected it to be, but only thanks to Will. Its plot is predictable and overly-simplistic —his character’s parents split up so he and his sister have to deal with their bossiness and incompetence— and the supporting characters are basically just background noise. Will really does keep the show afloat and even makes me laugh a few times because he’s just a really funny guy. If you’re going to watch, watch for Will Arnett. But if you choose not to, don’t sweat it.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 6

Back In The Game airs Wednesdays at 8:30 PM ET on ABC

Back In The GameABC’s new comedy series starring James Caan and Maggie Lawson is about Terry (Lawson), a newly-divorced mother who is forced to move back in with her emotionally distant father, “The Cannon” (Caan) because she’s broke. Shortly after her arrival, she finds herself coaching a group of misfits who were rejected from the local baseball league, which stirs up her own unpleasant history with playing baseball as a kid. The show is enjoyable enough to watch, but it’s nothing to write home about or scramble to DVR. Catch the show if you happen to see that it’s on, but don’t worry yourself too much if you miss it when it’s airing.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 6

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. airs Tuesdays at 8:00 PM ET on ABC

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. picks up essentially where The Avengers left off — we live in a world where superheroes are real, and villains are besieging a city still recovering from ‘The Battle Of New York’. It’s up to Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg), Agent Hill (Cobie Smulders) and their crack team of super cliched comic book types to keep people safe whenever and wherever possible. If you’re a superhero nerd, this will be right up your alley, because there are a ton of inside jokes and references, and Joss Whedon is a producer. But even if you’re someone like me who’s not into that stuff, you can still appreciate it for the fact that it doesn’t take itself too seriously. Just come equipped with a basket full of eye rolls and expect to use every one.

Urgency To Drop Everything And Watch Rank: 6

The Million Second Quiz airs Tuesdays and Wednesdays at 8:00 PM ET on NBC

The Million Second Quiz, hosted by Ryan Seacrest, is the game show for the modern TV watcher. It aims to incorporate elements of current pop culture and, if you can forgive some of the silly questions that happen as a result of that goal, you’ll probably find that it does so successfully. Also, you can play along with the contestants via a phone app, so that’s a plus. As far as game shows go, this one is one of the more entertaining ones. It’s good but it gets a lower rating because its runtime is way too short, already ending on Thursday September 19.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 6

Sleepy Hollow airs Mondays at 9:00 PM ET on FOX

Sleepy Hollow updates Washington Irving’s story by having Ichabod Crane wake up in the present day and team up with police officer Abbie Mills against the headless horseman. The overall idea is fun, the banter between the two leads is entertaining, and the style is appealingly spooky. Unfortunately, the pilot introduces so many concepts, from biblical prophecies to witches’ covens, it risks becoming too complicated too quickly. It’s got a lot of potential if it’s able to slow down.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 6

Lucky 7 airs Tuesdays at 10:00 PM ET on ABC – CANCELED!

Lucky 7 centers on a gas station whose workers go on a lottery pool and (unsurprisingly) win a $45 million jackpot. They manage to get a whole collection of cliche moments right in the first episode — you see a gun, a baby, and menacing drug dealers all in the first forty-two minutes — which makes me worry about what crazy extents they’ll have to go through for the rest of the season. I will say that there are some appealing, if extremely predictable plot twists, but the pilot gets a low score because the acting is sub-par and the characters are more like caricatures.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 5

Mom airs Mondays at 9:30 PM ET on CBS

Mom is sitting pretty, right in the middle of both ends of the ranking scale because it so far isn’t terrible but it also isn’t good enough to love. It’s a raunchy comedy about an alcoholic mom (played by Anna Faris), who reunites with her alcoholic mother (played by Allison Janey), and all of their motherly-slash-addiction-fueled adventures together. That may not sound like it’s too HAHA funny, but, thanks to Allison, it ends up being sort of close to that. Mom certainly has potential to shape up and be very funny, but as of right now, things could go either way.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 5

Hello Ladies airs Mondays at 10:30 PM ET on HBO

Hello Ladies is one of those unfortunate stories that you hear about, where the creators are funny people but the end product isn’t. The show is about Stephen Merchant’s character, Stuart, trying to overcome his painful awkwardness and succeed romantically, a premise that I was excited about. However, that excitement was for nothing really because I came away from the show with no real emotions about it, which is never a good sign. I won’t be watching again, but my score is in the middle because maybe someone, somewhere will get a laugh or two out of it. Doubtful, but you never know.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 5

Welcome to the Family airs Wednesdays at 8:30 PM ET on NBC

Welcome to the Family’s all about two completely different families being forced to get to know each other because their kids, Junior and Molly are having a baby together. There’s a wonderfully informative 0 second conversation about their options before they decide to put their college plans on hold and have the baby. As much as we need another show that makes teen parenting look like a never-ending hijink (*cough* The Secret of the American Teenager *cough*), we actually don’t. However if you’re into watching where dads from other other shows play dads on this show, you’re in for a treat.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 3

Sean Saves the World airs Thursdays at 9:00 PM ET on NBC

Sean Saves the World is about a gay man (Sean Hayes) raising his teenage daughter, whom he had with his ex-wife, while dealing with your typical work-related sitcom problems. The show is missing its straight man, pun intended. Most of the characters are over the top and annoying (Sean included), and the non-weird characters are too uninteresting to save the show. If you’re a fan of the typical modern multi-camera format, you might enjoy it, but otherwise it’s just exhausting and unoriginal.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 3

The Goldbergs airs Tuesdays at 9:00 PM ET on ABC

The Goldbergs was created by Adam F. Goldberg and is based on the home videos he took of his family when he was a kid in the 1980s. The best part of the pilot is Wendi McClendon-Covey (of Bridesmaids fame) as the overbearing mother, but even she can’t save the show from its obnoxious characters and constant milking of the decade it takes place in. Oh look, a Flavor Flav reference! And a cassette tape! Maybe the show would provide a nice half-hour of nostalgia for an ’80s kid, but my funny bone remained untickled.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 2

The Crazy Ones airs Thursdays at 8:00 PM ET on CBS 

CBS’s new comedy The Crazy Ones, which stars the highly-animated Robin Williams and relatively forgettable Sarah Michelle Gellar, just didn’t do it for me. It follows the story of an unconventional ad executive and his staff, who have to help him remedy all of the havoc that he wreaks. If that sounds familiar, that might be because it rips its storyline straight from AMC’s Mad Men and it does so shamelessly. I 100% could do without the contrived and unoriginal storyline and characters, so this is one I’ll be passing on forever.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 2

Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Tuesdays at 8:30 PM ET on FOX

Brooklyn Nine-Nine is about a supposedly talented police detective (Andy Samberg) at an NYC precinct, who is fun and immature but also the best officer at his precinct. The insanely unlikely plot would be more forgivable if the show was very funny, but it just isn’t. What we actually end up with is a show that feels like it would have been better off as a sketch on Saturday Night Live, instead of the 30-minute series that it is. Skip this one if you like your comedy shows to feature actual comedy.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 2

We Are Men airs Mondays at 8:30 PM ET on CBS – CANCELED

If you’re looking for a slightly sexist show starring an over-qualified cast, We are Men might be your new fall favorite. It follows the lives of four men – Jerry O’ConnellTony ShaloubKal Penn, Christopher Nicholas Smith – who all live together in an apartment complex and appear to spend most of their days talking about getting some, actually getting some and then going back to talking about getting some. Oh that’s lie. Sometimes they talk about how much their ex-wives, fiances and estranged wives sucks.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 1

Dads airs Tuesdays at 8:00 PM ET on FOX

Seth MacFarlane’s Dads follows Eli (Seth Green) and Warner (Giovanni Ribisi)  as they deal with their fuddy-duddy dads. While we knew this should would be chock-full of racist jokes, we had no idea that they would be this pointlessly racist. Take the “punch the Puerto Rican” joke as an example of one that had absolutely no context and was there purely for the point of making a racist joke. While pilot season isn’t over yet, we can’t imagine anything worse than this.

Urgency to Drop Everything and Watch Rank: 0

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