So it’s true. After scary rumors started last month that Laura Prepon and her eyebrows would not return to Netflix series Orange is the New Black as series regulars in season 2, Netflix shot them down, saying they were “not accurate,” and nothing had been decided. Now Buzzfeed is reporting that Laura hasn’t even returned to film for the new season yet, and her character Alex Vause’s storyline will be wrapped up in a single episode. This is all according to a source close to the show. Apparently Laura only signed a one-year contract and didn’t commit to any more episodes. Since the show films out of order, there’s no guarantee about when in the season Laura will leave.
I just can’t imagine Alex’s storyline being wrapped up in one episode. Her character is such a central part of the show and was so important to Piper’s storyline for so many reasons. It would be strange enough to have her leave after another season, but to say goodbye after only one more episode doesn’t even seem plausible. Who will be Piper’s big spoon now?! Who will have witty banter with Nicky and her mythic hair?! Who will inspire me to stand in front of my mirror for an entire Saturday afternoon trying to get the perfect cat eye with my liquid eyeliner?! Who, I ask you!
Is there any way we can guarantee that this one episode will be like 13 hours long? This is Netflix, after all. They should totally be able to turn a season into one multi-hour episode. That’s how I’ll be watching the season anyway, all strung together with periodic breaks to brush cracker crumbs off my shirt and maybe — but only maybe! — use the bathroom. I can’t fathom having everything wrapped up and moving on after only one 50-minute episode.
First Dan Stevens says sayonara to Downton Abbey and now this? My heart is as broken as Alex’s glasses. But unfortunately I don’t think any amount of tape is going to repair the crack. Do we need to come together as fans and give Laura a talking to? After all, bitches gots to learn.