Look at the photo above. Not much to it, right? Okay, besides the fact that Rihanna is wearing lipstick that makes it look like she just enjoyed a blue raspberry popsicle or perhaps got trapped I Love Lucy-style in a freezer. And besides the fact that she’s wearing what looks to be a mesh top paired with a letterman jacket that mated with a polar bear. Nothing super weird, considering it’s Rihanna. But just look at that man behind her. What could he be staring at with such a furrowed brow? I’m going to take a wild guess and say that it might have a little something to do with what’s going on at the back of Rihanna’s head. And by a little something I mean this masterpiece:
That’s… that’s a mullet, right? And not just any mullet, but the mullet to end all mullets. It really embodies the idea of “business in the front and party in the back,” because from the front I really assumed Rihanna was leaving some kind of professional blue lips convention, but from the back I’m starting to suspect that she and her achy breaky heart are on their way to have a wild and crazy night out in London. That’s right, her acy breaky heart. Because Rihanna clearly just robbed Billy Ray Cyrus of his mullet. Just time traveled back to the early ’90s, stole it right off his head and brought it back to the future with her. Rumor has it she also brought back young Macaulay Culkin, who’s currently wandering around London alone. Don’t worry, I’m putting together a team to find him and get him back to his correct year without present-day Macaulay Culkin finding out.
Look, I’m usually very willing to accept Rihanna’s fashion and hair choices. In fact, I usually enjoy them in a weird way. She’s just so gorgeous and has so much confidence that even the wackiest, out-of-nowhere styles (even the witch hair) manage to look chic on her. But this simply goes to far. Billy Ray even has a song about this very issue that he recorded years ago knowing this would happen eventually. Looks like Rihanna’s not the only one with a time machine. Now if only he had time-traveled to the night of the VMAs and stopped Miley. Of course, he “woulda done the same thing,” so I guess time travel wouldn’t have helped.