Heeey, how are ya? How have you been these past seven days since we’ve last spoken about all of the drama in Teen Mom 3? I hope you’ve been well. Or, at the very least, better than these four ladies. In just one week so many tears were shed, fights were had, and eyes were rolled; it was just like an episode of Full House during the Tanner girls’ rebellious years.
Also like in Full House (I’m not sure why I’m hanging on so tightly to this analogy but, please, bear with me), I ended the episode with a brand new outlook on life. I just wanted to go solve some people’s problems or maybe just make a mental note to future me who might be a mother. Here are 9 of the lessons in parenting that I learned from this week’s episode that I will be sure to remember for when it will really, really counts.
1. Everything is mostly your fault. Everything.
For example, it’s your fault if your kid’s dad doesn’t see her often because you are trying your best to be independent since he’s proven that he isn’t consistently dependable. Well, at least that’s what Devoin thinks about Briana.
2. It’s hard to do homework when you have to care for a real life child.
Little ol’ Mackenzie reminded viewers of the fact that she found juggling her schoolwork and baby Gannon (not literally, although that would’ve been a sight to see) to be pretty difficult. I guess they’re both time consuming, or something?
3. Feeding schedules are for losers.
When Joey dropped off his and Katie’s daughter, Molli, his mom asked when did the baby eat last so she’d know when to feed her next. And he shrugged. Feeding schedule, schmeeding schedule, right?
4. It’s very reasonable to expect to live with someone and never fight, ever.
I’m not sure what kind of fictional world Joey and Katie expected to live in after they moved to a new apartment, but a big part of that world is the magical air mist that Happy Fairies would spritz to prevent arguments. Even better, they specified that they had to end all of their arguing forever “especially if they’re going to get married.” Everyone knows that good couples don’t fight, but good spouses fight negative amounts!
5. “No men are excited to go to prom.”
Those are Mackenzie’s words, not mine. Although, I know a bunch of guys who would beg to differ.
6. It’s appropriate for your mom to handle all of your fights with your boyfriend/baby daddy.
If you feel like your granddaughter’s father isn’t involved enough, you should 100% yell at him over the phone about it. Even better, you should do that while your daughter sits there, not saying a word and letting you iron our the problems in her relationship. Duh, that’s Dating 101.
7. Threatening to physically harm your baby momma in public (or anywhere) isn’t the worst idea ever.
Matt should pay more attention to what happens to the other teen dads on this show because Devoin just went through this exact thing last week. Except Matt was a little worse because his threats were in person and were in the form of him charging at her. So, yeah.
8. People walk into prom with their infants.
While I don’t think that Mackenzie and Josh actually brought Gannon all the way inside, they carried him down the carpet to the entrance as if they were totally going to, which I’m sure wasn’t at all confusing or anything for anyone present.
9. Concrete decisions are hard to make.
Let me set the scene for you: right after Alex’s and Matt’s giant blowup, Alex’s mom ordered Alex to kick him out of their house for good. But poor Alex was so torn that, in the very same breath, she said that she couldn’t be with him, followed by she refuses to be without him.
Now, you tell me any other show that would’ve given you all of these nuggets in just 60 minutes’ time. I’ve got my TV remote in hand, ready to DVR whatever you can come up with.