If nothing else, The Real Housewives Of Miami can be counted on to make me extremely uncomfortable, week to week. Just when I think someone is the most reasonable, empathetic woman of the season, she goes and does something that makes me call all my judgement skills into question. It happened last year with Ana Quincoces and it’s happening this year with Lea Black.
Earlier on in the season, when Lea and Adriana de Moura-Sidi were arguing over whether Adriana is already married or not (she is) and whether or not she lied about it (she did), I was all about Lea. I was Team Lea Black for days. Whole hog. But now she’s getting all switchy on me again, and that’s when I remember…oh right, these are very rich ladies living in Florida with mostly no jobs, spending their days fluffing pillows, getting plastic surgery, and planning lavish parties with fickle, ever-changing guest lists. OH AND THEY’RE DOING IT ON TELEVISION. I am the foolish one for expecting them to behave like self-aware adults. I am the problem.
So with that in mind, I figure why not fully embrace it, and really get down to business with the 22 Most Uncomfortable Moments From The Real Housewives Of Miami Last Night.
- This phone conversation between Lea and Alexia Echevarria. We can all predict that Alexis isn’t showing up to Lea’s gala, right? Especially if she goes to the gay polo first.
- The ongoing debate between Lisa Hochstein and her husband Lenny about having a baby together. Lisa doesn’t want to use a surrogate, Lenny doesn’t want to comfort his wife in any way, I don’t want to watch it anymore.
- The gay polo group’s party bus has a stripper pole.
- Oh hi, Ana. Welcome back to the show that couldn’t be bothered to rehire you as a full-time cast member.
- Adriana wearing her sunglasses inside the leaky disco bus. You’re inside, girl.
- Alexia refusing to admit to the girls that she’s going to the gala until the last minute, when the car service waiting to take her there has been waiting for two hours.
- Lea can barely even hold her eyelids up with the weight of those false lashes.
- Lea interrupting her own meeting with Beth, her book editor, to answer the door twelve thousand times.
- Um hello TAYLOR HICKS AT THE DOOR. What are you possibly doing here and why.
- So much arm-touching.
- Lenny making up for never being home and being totally insensitive by buying Lisa diamond jewelry.
- Lea is wearing $29 million in borrowed diamonds. I can’t.
- I think Lea had way too much juice today. She’s very excited.
- After Alexia finally admits she’s leaving to go to the gala, Ana snaps, “I knew it,” and Adriana says, “May the force be with you.” Wait but that’s…okay.
- That one random curl out of place on Karent Sierra.
- Dennis Rodman is at the gala. Okay.
- ALEXIA DOESN’T EVEN GO TO THE GALA! After all that!
- This auction is dead. So dead. I can’t watch.
- Karent and Joanna Krupa locking Lisa in the bathroom stall. How extremely odd.
Take me away from this place!