Chloe Moretz’s Seventeen Cover Is Either Photoshopped Or She Has A Bobblehead

Chloe Moretz photo shopped Seventeen cover October 2013I’m no Photoshop expert, but I like to think I have a vague understanding of the human body. And part of that understanding entails people’s heads being directly proportional to their bodies. So when I saw Chloe Moretz on the October cover of Seventeen Magazine, I was like, “Girl, how you get your head so big? And how you get your neck to bend like that? Did somebody run some Photoshop ish all over your picture portraits, or are you a literal bobblehead?”

Again, I clearly don’t work in an art department, but it looks to me like they took the best shot of Chloe’s face, zoomed in un poco and set it at a jaunty angle, and then popped it on top of her body. Easy as pie! As long as you want to end up with a cartoonish cover model who looks like her photo was shot while she was posing in an impossibly low-ceilinged room. If that was your goal, then you totally nailed it, Seventeen art department.

But listen, I totally get it, y’know? If there’s anyone it’s necessary for us to Photoshop, it’s a drop dead gorgeous sixteen-year old. (See also: inhumanly attractive Megan Fox and ridiculously beautiful Zooey Deschanel. Two more disgusting specimens in need of shopping in the Photo variety.) I mean, if you don’t start them early, how do they learn that the most attractive person is an amalgamation of all her most attractive poses, no matter how disparate they may seem. How else is Chloe going to learn how desperately unbecoming shadows are on your limbs if you don’t magically remove them to make the line of her skirt more crisp and her legs more two-dimensional? HOW ELSE WOULD SHE LEARN THAT? From her parents? I don’t think so.

We have a duty as a society to convince Chloe (and every star!) as early as possible that she — although talented, poised, beautiful, and intelligent — is inherently flawed and will be until the day her skin rots off her decaying corpse at age twenty-five. Thanks for doing the lord’s work, Seventeen. You guys are killing it.

No shadow on her legs from the skirt

(Image: Huffington Post via Seventeen)

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    • Olivia Wilson

      Also they gave her weird mutant ears, oh my god.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Ha! Didn’t even notice that! Look at those little nubbins!

    • Lisa Friend Wippel

      why can’t they just let ppl look like you know NORMAL every day humans?! geez stop the photoshop! no wonder som many young girls hate their bodies!!

    • Cymc

      Clearly she’s too tall to stand on the magazine.