There comes a time in every blogger’s life when she must receive death threats from angry commenters. It’s how you know you’re worth your salt, y’know? (Is that still a thing people say?) But over the months that I’ve worked at Crushable, I’ve learned that I’m worth extra salts, because I get commenter hate pretty much every day.
I think half of it is because I snark about beloved artists like Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber, and the other half is because I have a particularly satirical style of writing that isn’t always grasped by some of our one-time readers. Or maybe I really suck as much as they want me to believe. Who knows.
So for example, I recently wrote a post about the actor who plays Tommen Baratheon being replaced in Game Of Thrones. It’s for a very specific reason, that you know if you’ve read the books, and that I reveal in the article, so I put ‘spoiler’ right in the title: Game Of Thrones Just Replaced A Cast Member Because Of Spoily Spoilersons. Please feel free to click on that post, but if you do so, I feel obliged to remind you AGAIN that there are spoilers in it, even though it’s warned repeatedly in the article. But as you’ll see if you click on it, the post has forty-nine comments, most of which are admonishing me for being the worst.
So in the hopes of really getting to the bottom of that fact, and figuring out exactly how I’ve let humanity down, I humbly present the least rational of these comments to you for perusal and entertainment.I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
I mean, this is fair. Once you write something on the internet, you’re really opening yourself up to a gruesome death. A total Hammurabi’s Code type thing. Also please note that sixteen people liked this comment. I’m kind of upset that my boyfriend posted this, to be honest. I thought things were going really well between us. Alexis+Guest=LOVE. “Come on your a journalist” was a particularly nice touch, I think. Also P.S. spoilers about Santa Claus above. (Or Santa Clause, really. I guess he’s spoiling the fact that that movie isn’t real?)Sigh. Well now you all know I’m the least talented spoily spoilerson on the whole wide internet. I just enjoy the use of caps as shaming devices. To be fair, I have really enjoyed the avalanche of hate that’s come my way…even if it does mean I’ll never get paid to write.I was about to take this opportunity to remind everyone that I did in fact warn for spoilers, but then I got distracted because DAMN WHAT A STUPID BITCH I AM.
Sorry to everyone who didn’t make this epic list. You’re just too polite for your own good.