I’m sure there are lots of us out there whose parents absolutely detest one another. What separates us from the animals, however (the animals in this situation being Dina Lohan and Michael Lohan) is that I doubt the majority of us have parents who insult each other through the blind rage of white-hot cocaine. Ah, family.
Apparently, someone out there is deranged enough to think that the world is missing a Dina and Michael Lohan show, so now we’re all about to be privy to the Lohan family credo: The family who (allegedly) snorts together, implodes together! The Test, a show I’ve never heard of but I’m sure is super legit because it’s on FOX, allowed these two giant a-holes to be on stage together for a nice, endless round of “Accuse and Deny.” Oh, you’ve never heard of that game? It’s when you accuse your ex-husband of abusing you every day and he denies it by saying, “Not every day.” Or, similarly, when you accuse your ex-wife of snorting cocaine with your daughter and she denies it by saying, “No I didn’t.” Get it? Yeah… it’s great. Great for humanity and the lack thereof.
Let me just say right now that anyone who wonders how Lindsay Lohan could be so irrevocably effed up need look no further than the bleached out hairline of her mother and the dead, beady eyes of her father! Good Lord, I can’t with these two. Just reading the excerpt of this isolated argument gave me heart palpitations and an anxiety attack. Oh well, at least these two lovebirds probably got paid handsomely to keep ruining each others’ lives.
But if you’re the kind of individual who would actually want to view something like this, you’re in luck! The latest Lohan battle airs, apropos of NOTHING, on September 11 on FOX.