Can all the parents who still allow their children to worship Miley Cyrus come gather in here, please? Yes, all six of you — I know it’s a tight squeeze, but I have a really important announcement to make, and I need you all to hear it.
First of all, thank you so much for sticking with us after the whole VMA thing. You, and me, and even Liam Hemsworth certainly weren’t expecting so much twerking with so little clothing and so much foam finger choreography (even though it was undeniably all Liam’s fault), but you put your feelings aside and let your kids stay just as obsessed with her as they’ve always been. We have to respect you for that, here at Cyrus Headquarters.
But even after that thank you, I still have to impart this bad news, because second of all, your old friend from Hannah Montana just taught all your kids the c-word, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
WAIT! PLEASE! DON’T TRY TO LEAVE THE ROOM OF FANDOM! Please just hear me out! There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this, I’m just sure of it. So let’s go to the offending tweet and see if we can Sherlock Holmes it out. Here’s what Miley posted yesterday:
Just called this paparazzi a CUNT. So before he makes breaking “news” out if it. Ill just say it. Ha-Ha #CUNT
â€” Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) September 4, 2013
Oh boy. Oh man. I’m the Senior Spin Artist here at Cyrus HQ, but even I don’t have a good angle for this. There’s no way to say it’s an unfounded rumor, because Miley went ahead and reported it herself on her own Twitter, there’s no way to say she regrets the comment, because she’s bragging and laughing about it, and there’s no way to say that at least she’s trying to set a good example for her fans because SHE JUST SAID THE C-WORD AT THEM. TWICE.
This is like Justin Bieber peeing in the bucket territory, now. I need to consult with my advisers and take more aggressive action. Stay tuned.
(Image: Andres Otero / WENN.com)