You might have heard about this thing called the 2013 Video Music Awards. I don’t know, it’s some obscure artsy thing not that many people watched. Apparently it involved Miley Cyrus making innocent bystanders afraid to go to bed lest giant foam fingers appear from under their beds. It looks like this fiasco might also be threatening to tear Miley and her fiance Liam Hemsworth apart, proving that it is indeed possible to end a relationship that didn’t even exist in the first place. We did it, guys! Clap your hands if you believe in fake-lationships.
Let’s start with the facts. And by the facts, I mean the statements from anonymous sources. According to Life & Style (via Radar), Liam was not happy with what he saw occur on that VMAs stage (join the club, buddy) and he wants out.
“The VMAs is the straw that will break him,” a source predicted to Life & Style. “He wants out of the relationship.”
He apparently also has people around him, like his family and his management, “begging him to break it off and publicly move on.” Here’s where the conspiracy theory comes in. And who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory, especially when it involves illicit twerking and hot Australians? For me, at this point it’s very difficult to believe that these two are even a thing at all. Maybe Liam should “publicly move on” because he already privately moved on. Eh? Eh?
I’m inclined to believe these two were a real thing at first, but once they started being photographed together close to never, and once Miley started doing whatever all that is while Liam just continued to be a clean-cut, quiet type who shows up every now and then to remind me he has an accent, I got skeptical. I know opposites supposedly attract, but Miley isn’t just some Manic Pixie Dream Girl bringing a boring guy out of his shell. This goes beyond that, into the territory of twerking on a married father who grabs girls’ butts in creepy mirror pictures.
Plus they’ve already broken up almost as many times as Jennifer Aniston has been pregnant. One of those break-ups had to have been a real one, right? Remember when that pretty robot January Jones was involved? Let’s just make it official so Liam can continue his bromance with Josh Hutcherson and Miley can move in with her foam finger. Everyone wins.