You guys, we’re officially three episodes into the third installation of MTV’s Teen Mom, whose cast now includes Katie Yeager, Alex Sekella, Mackenzie Douthit, and Briana DeJesus. We first got to know these four new moms in MTV’s other show, 16 & Pregnant, so I was just waiting for the Teen Mom 3 season to start. There’s something about teen parenthood that absolutely intrigues me, and I guess I’m not alone because this show exists. And, because this show exists, I’m learning a whole lot of very special lessons in parenting.
If you’re at all familiar with this show, you know that old cast members like Jenelle Evans and the Backdoor Teen Mom herself, Farrah Abraham brought endless entertainment, both in the show and in the real-life headlines they inspired. And, while I’m a fan of mindless reality TV (I watched Buckwild and I’m not here to apologize for it), I think that this show intends to teach a few different lessons. Here are 11 of the very best of them from this season so far.
1. Sex before marriage is horrible, even if you already have a baby (meaning that you already had sex before marriage.)
Mackenzie’s mom makes a big deal about her boyfriend, Josh, sleeping in the living room when he spends the night at Mackenzie’s house because she doesn’t believe in premarital sex. I’m not here to attack her beliefs, I just want to know what exactly is the purpose of forcing them to continue to follow this belief if there is living, breathing, and pooping proof that Mackenzie and Josh have totally had premarital sex.
2. It’s okay to ask your friend if she regrets not putting her kid up for adoption (???)
Katie and her friend go for a walk to talk and her friend actually asks Katie if she regrets not putting her daughter, Molli, up for adoption. I’m just going to go out on a limb and suggest that people avoid asking questions like this one because everything about it feels offensive, even if I do know that it’s most likely an innocent question.
3. It’s apparently super stressful to leave your kid alone with her dad for an hour.
No, seriously, I didn’t realize how much this could stress a person out. In an effort to give Devoin more responsibility with their daughter, Nova, Briana agrees to let him baby sit for one hour while she goes to the grocery store. However, the viewers know that she actually just sits in the car and worries the entire time.
4. Birth control and abstinence are the only ways to not get pregnant again.
Newsflash! Sex Ed. teachers, drugstores, and condoms are figments of everyone’s imaginations. They aren’t real, so stop bringing them up, okay?! When trying to figure out a way to avoid having a second unexpected pregnancy, Mackenzie straight up ignores the possibility of using a condom as a solution. Poor kid.
5. You always need a second opinion.
Both Briana’s and Mackenzie’s moms give phenomenal advice that their kids probably would have taken twice as long to figure out on their own. Good job, moms/grandmas, I was really impressed.
6. Family counseling offices have baby sitting services.
Did everyone in the whole wide world know this already? Because I did not.
7. If you don’t want to be in a fight, you should yell and also curse because that is exactly how you avoid fights.
Katie and Joey, the most shout-y couple on the show, agree to talk their issues over in a civilized way. But literally one sentence in, the conversation turns into a huge fight and no one gets anything accomplished or solved.
8. You should NOT, by any means, seek therapy for your dangerously quick temper.
Did you hear that Joey? It probably won’t affect your small child at any point and you probably won’t regret not doing so later on. Probably.
9. You should 100% threaten your kid’s mother on Twitter with physical violence because that doesn’t make you horrible.
This honor is all Devoin’s (which, apparently, doesn’t rhyme with “coin”). First, he accuses Briana of “hogging Nova” and then he threatens to have someone beat her up. This is seriously the most baffling thing to happen this season so far. I really don’t get it.
10. Orders of Protection are just ways to get your point across that you need to be respected, not a way to actually protect you from potential danger.
After the whole Twitter debacle, Briana files an Order of Protection against Devoin but then drops it and tells him why she dropped it. That reason, if you’re wondering, is because that’s how she planned to get him to respect her more. What.
11. And, finally, being a parent at any age is extremely hard.
One of the things that I appreciate about this show is that, in addition to the main characters who are teen moms, it also shows their parents dealing with the craziness of parenthood. Sure, being a teen and being a parent at the same time isn’t really ideal, but being an adult doesn’t guarantee that things will be so much easier.
Keep ‘em coming, Teen Mom 3, I feel like I’m learning a lot.