• Tue, Sep 3 2013

Kim Kardashian’s Naked Post-Baby Body, Coming Soon To A Playboy Near You

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Hunt for HousesLike every new mother, Kim Kardashian is counting the days when she can put down her newborn and pose naked for Playboy. What? Did my hands just type that? I guess so. Because it’s true.

Kim apparently announces that she’s looking forward to stripping down for a naked photo sesh in upcoming episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. A promo for KUWTK shows a still-pregnant Kim saying “As soon as I pop this thing out, I want to do Playboy or some nude shoot.”

If it came true, this would be Kim’s second stint with the magazine, the first of which she apparently regretted back in 2010. Oh what a difference three years and an onslaught of negative media attention about your preggers body makes.

I get that Kim wants to show off her post-baby body. Post-baby bodies might be the number one thing Americans are interested in. Other than a slight blip on Thanksgiving when Americans discuss how it’s a scientific fact that turkey makes you tired, post-baby bodies is all we talk about. And Kim particularly got raked over the coals because her body made room for a baby, a fact that most Americans are unaware of, apparently. So I get that she’s ready to be front and center in that time-tested discussion of “look how fast she bounced back.”

But Kimmy, baby. It’s called a mirror. Can’t you just close the door for a moment, put down the gold-plated breast pump, and admire yourself in all your glory without having to plaster it on the pages of Playboy?

Besides, if I were you, I’d worry about page-break distortion. Page-break distortion is a little word I just made up that refers to where the picture extends over the middle of the magazine and causes your body to look like it cascades into a black hole for one second and then miraculously re-emerges (shocking astronauts and physicists alike). Who wants to deal with that scientific quandary? Not you! You have a baby at home!

So Kim, lay off the girlie mags. Or don’t lay on them. Or… whatever. You get the point.

(Photo: WENN.com)

Share This Post:
  • Jill O’Rourke

    Haha, page-break distortion. Brilliant.

  • FauxRealFaux

    LOL,