He’s finally here! The baby boy Jessica Simpson carried for 82 months has finally made his debut on the cover of Us Weekly. Ace Knute Johnson gave the camera his best blue steel in an all-white ensemble that would have been a major faux pas had he waited a few days and let Labor Day slide past.
Obviously Ace is absolutely precious and I’ll have to text him to ask what kind of lip balm he uses, but am I the only one who’s thinking his big sister Maxwell is stealing his thunder a little bit? I mean, when I first opened the photo I went “Oh my goodness look how cute the baby is!” and then I realized that the baby I was looking at appeared to be more than a year old and was also female. I searched the cover frantically for any sign of a male infant that could maybe possibly be Ace. Finally my eyes settled on that tiny figure in the corner and I decided that was probably him.
Talk about being upstaged by a sister who had barely moved out of Mom’s womb before you signed the lease. Little Ace is almost covered up by the headline. Even sad-but-strong Khloe Kardashian and her final warning get more room on the cover. Then there’s Maxwell, whom we’ve already established is inhumanly cute with her golden tendrils and her piercing blue eyes. She’s got practically a full body shot and she’s even taller than Jessica. Next thing you know she’ll be getting back together with Ross the day Monica announces her engagement. This is a kind of thunder-stealing I haven’t witnessed since that kid snatched Thor’s hammer for a day and almost broke the Weather Channel. Okay, so that only happened in my head, but I need to properly express the magnitude of this thunder theft.
Inside the magazine, on stands this Friday, Jessica talks pregnancy, and as usual, she gives the kind of comments that make you wish she would just audit a high school health class lesson about birth control.
“Pregnancy is a lot. It was hard to do two so close together,” she confessed to Us. “I have this huge sense of accomplishment, and I feel in my heart that I’m done. But obviously, accidents do happen!”
In the midst of this baby-on-baby crime, it’s just nice to know that Jessica Simpson still isn’t letting silly things like facts affect her views about pregnancy.
(Image: Us Weekly)