I get that the whole point of The Real Housewives Of Miami is to encourage these ladies toward fabricating drama, and I’ll be bamboozled if I don’t really enjoy watching it. This was only the third week of the third season, and last week already had Lea and Adriana at each others’ throats. And by this week, the cast is already divided into two enemy camps in what I’m sincerely hoping is a fight significantly amped up for the cameras. After all, some of these women have been friends for years, and it would be super gross if they were willing to let all that go just over some petty bickering.
But I get why the show would want us to believe that. And I don’t hate watching them froth and scream at each other as much as I used to. I mean you get used to it, I guess. Numb to it, anyway. But what I do still really love is when little nuggets of truth come through in all the fake drama and bluster. Those are my favorite moments, because the Housewives kind of lose control of the argument and actually say something real and honest. It’s hilarious to watch. So with that in mind, here are my favorite examples of that from this most recent episode: The 15 Most Honest Moment From Last Night’s Real Housewives Of Miami:
- Lea saying to Adriana, “Why are you so jealous of Joanna?” at the end of their argument. I’m glad someone finally called that out. Adriana was so stunned by it that all she could get out was, “I mean whatever, Lea”, and sputter her way right out the door and home to complain to Frederic.
- Romain to Joanna while watching the tennis match, “It’s funny because you have no idea what you’re watching and I love the sport.” It’s also funny that you’re getting married to each other.
- Joanna, in trying to defend her own libido and sexual enthusiasm, listed the following places she’s had sex: “I’ve done elevators, nightclubs, and private jets. So who’s boring??”
- Frederic’s description of how unimportant Lea Black is, a burn by which my boyfriend was particularly impressed: “She’s so little that I think she’s far away when I look at her.” Boom.
- Frederic again, proving in conversation with Adriana that he’s not intimidated by Lea, “I am not scared! I’m going to text her, ‘Watch out, Lea Black! Watch out when you see Frederic Martin!’”
- Frankie shushing his mom Alexia‘s energetic dancing in their at-home recording studio. It was so heartbreaking and real.
- Lea responding, “Ummmm…” to Lisa‘s invitation to join her and the rest of the girls for ladies night. Gotta love a girl who doesn’t play pretend.
- Lisa admitting that it takes her thirty minutes to take off her makeup every evening. Girl, I know drag queens who can do it in fifteen. What are you putting on there?
- Lenny trying to get Lisa to agree to use a surrogate in that SUPREMELY UNROMANTIC MARRIED COUPLES SCENE, “Science means that you have to make decisions based on facts and reality.”
- Alexia shouting out, “Peter’s mom! Peter’s mom! That’s right! Yes! Peter’s mom!” to that boat full of random kids. Sweet lord of Miami, the desperation in that woman’s voice.
- Real talk: Alexia’s first husband was convicted of such serious drug-trafficking charges that he was sentenced to twenty-five years. Holy crap.
- That amazing flashback to Mama Elsa Patton saying to Adriana, “What you have to do is learn to put your head in [sic] the right pillow. And the right pillow is the one that is full of money.” Do your thing, you testament to moderation in plastic surgery, you. modern medicine, you testament to moderation in plastic surgery, you.
- Alexia referring to that time that her oldest son Peter recorded video of himself PUNCHING THAT HOMELESS GUY IN THE DICK as ‘when Peter had that problem with the homeless.’ A pretty clear look at how Alexia feels about what went down.
- Lisa letting slip, “I’m going to have fun tonight, because Lenny’s in Vegas and I’m not happy.” Can’t get more straight-forward than that. There’s her whole character game right there!
- Lisa giving herself ‘an F for effort’ in trying to get the ladies to reconcile. Lea out front crying while Adriana, Marysol, and Alexia cackle inside? An ‘F’ sounds about right.