During last night’s VMA Awards, Taylor Swift turned to her gal pal Selena Gomez and appeared to say “shut the fuck up” to Selena Gomez when One Direction was presenting an award. While I think Selena’s “um, Taylor there are totally cameras watching us” face proves that she said it, some others on the interweb are now claiming she said, “sorry about my arm.” Which makes me think that Taylor’s PR team sat up all night trying to come up with other words that look like “shut the fuck up” — to you know, shut everyone the fuck up. But here’s the thing, if she said “sorry about my arm,” Selena would’ve said “no worries” or “it’s fine.” She wouldn’t have said there silently and made that “ughhh Taylor” face.
However it’s Monday and we’re totally into playing the “what did Taylor Swift really say” game. We’re so in that we’re going to kick it off with these 7 things. Feel free to leave your own suggestions in the comments. The only requirement is that they start with S and would result in Selena not saying anything.
1. Shut the fridge door. Selena is always leaving it open. She’s simply asking her if she remembered to close it before they left. Selena clearly didn’t. Hence the silence.
2. Sorry for making your first award about me. Taylor’s psychic and already knew that Selena’s first VMA win would actually be overshadowed by Taylor’s drama. Hence the silence.
3. Soup or salad? She can never decide what to eat after an awards show. But Selena’a so sick of this question because she knows that Taylor can clearly afford to eat both. Hence the silence.
4. Saved by The Bell didn’t DVR. That’s fucked up. Taylor gets so inconsolable when she forgets to DVR Saved by the Bell. Selena knows there’s nothing she can do to calm her down, hence the silence.
5. Samantha Mumba is here, Fuck yeah! She wasn’t there. Selena has no clue who Taylor thinks is her, hence the silence.
6. Slam the funk down. Sometimes Taylor strings cool-sounding words together and Selena has no idea what she’s talking about, hence the silence.
7. Should we get fucked up? Taylor thinks “fucked up” refers to drinking root beer, staying up late and prank calling her bodyguard. Selena doesn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise, hence the silence.