For those of you who were under the impression that you needed to watch Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus at the VMAs yesterday to get your Sunday night dose of awkward, you could have just tuned in to Keeping Up With the Kardashians instead. The whole episode was so awkward that it made Kanye West’s appearance on Kris last week seem totally wholesome and sweet. In an effort to process the awkward overkill, I’ve compiled the top 5 most uncomfortable moments on KUWTK this week from least to most uncomfortable.
5. Remember that one time when Bruce Jenner went on Jimmy Fallon determined to put the comedian in his place for making fun of his plastic surgery? Well, we got to relive that horribly awkward moment again this week. But the whole incident became even worse when we got some back story behind it. Apparently Bruce has already confronted Jimmy once before, at the London Olympics. As Bruce tells the story, he grabbed Jimmy and “got right in his face” to tell him, “No more fucking face jokes.” Um, creepy. Did you do that in a dark alleyway, too, Bruce? But as we all know, that wasn’t enough for Old Papa Jenner. No, no, Bruce had to attempt to humiliate Jimmy on his own turf, but only after he called up his pal Jeff Dunham to help him think of some jokes. That’s right, this awful fail of a confrontation was scripted with help from an actual comedian. A comedian who many people consider to be funny. So why wasn’t it funny? Why did this go so wrong?
4. And now for another episode of awkward family moments with Bruce Jenner… When you show your father a picture of girlfriend, there are a variety of acceptable reactions for said father to give. For example, “Oh, how cute,” “She looks nice,” or even just a simple “Awww,” will do. One reaction you definitely do not want to hear is this: “Nice pussy.” So of course that’s what Bruce decides to tell Brody when he shows him a picture of his new beau. Now, granted, the girl was holding a cat, but, come on, Bruce. You’ve procreated before. You know what that word means. So, please, just don’t ever say it again. Ever.
3. As we learned during the KUWTK season premiere, Kim Kardashian is really interested in eating her placenta. But this week we found out that she’s not the only Kardashian ready to give her own insides a try. Kourtney Kardashian is also on board Team Let’s Eat Our Placenta. So on board, in fact, that she’d like to have another kid just so that she can give the placenta a try. I mean, really, of all the reasons to want to have another child. Then again, that’s not to the worst reason a Kardashian has ever wanted a baby.
2. Sad Rob was back this week. Even though he vehemently denied it to Khloe when she asked how he was doing, it was pretty obvious to all that he’s still living the blues. I mean, if you’re not sad, Rob, then why are you taking up chainsaw carving as a new hobby? Happy people don’t decide it’s a good idea to carve bears out of wood with a chainsaw. Which is exactly what Rob did. Although the bear thing he created was a bit scary, he did seem proud of it, and I thought it was really sweet how he gave it to Kourtney as a gift. Conversely, I thought it was the saddest, horriblest, most awkwardly uncomfortable thing ever when Scott just threw away Rob’s wood creation without any consideration for the guy’s feelings. You don’t just throw away a handmade present from a guy who everyone thinks is depressed. What’s wrong with you man?
But almost worse than Scott’s heartless bear tossing was everyone’s reactions. They were all so sure that crazy Rob would fly off the handle that they bought another bear online and were going to pretend it was the one Rob had made. Even once the new bear arrived and looked absolutely nothing like Rob’s creation, Scott the Bear Slaughterer still thought Rob might not notice that this new bear was less than half the size of the original. The guy’s sad, not stupid, okay?
1. Remember the whole placenta-eating thing we talked about in Awkward Moment No. 3? Okay, well, Kourtney and Kim thought it would be funny to trick their family members into eating placenta this week. And make all of us watch them do it. And we had to listen as the family talked about how tough and overcooked the meat was. And we had to see their facial expressions when they were told that the “brisket” they were eating was actually placenta (Okay, some of the reactions were very funny, but in an uncomfortable way). Except JK LOL it actually was brisket, not placenta. Which I guess should have made me feel better, but seriously, WTF, girls? Couldn’t you have let us viewers in on the joke? That would have spared me from throwing up a little bit in my mouth while I watched the family dig in.