• Mon, Aug 26 2013

Photo Proof That Bradley Cooper And Suki Waterhouse Are In A Fake-lationship

C’mere old buddy old pal.

I did a whole post on fake relationships last week, and I completely forgot to include Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse. I feel so negligent, you guys! I’m really sorry! Sometimes I just get so distracted by the more blatant fakelationships out there that I totally forget to include some of my faves.

Like Bradley and Suki. They are so the best. First of all, there’s the really quality age difference (he’s thirty-eight, she’s twenty), which is made all the better by the fact that Bradley said he would never date the twenty-three year old Jennifer Lawrence…because he’s old enough to be her father. Check that math, Bradley! I was a theater major, but I’m pretty sure that twenty-three is still bigger than twenty-zero. Call me crazy.

Anyway. Bradley and his blushing British child bride spent yesterday relaxing / blatantly posing together in a park in Paris. They each sported a delightful shade (or shades!) of denim and made sure to give the paparazzi a ton of different options! Suki had her hair down, then up, then down for a second and back up again, and also experimented with lots of fun sunglasses combos. AND OH THE POSES. There are so many wonderful selections to choose from that I couldn’t even decide on just one — I had to present ten highlights in timeline form.

So, with that in mind, please enjoy the following modern art thesis project — Bradley And Suki: A Fakelationship In Repose. Co-narrated by Mr. Bradley Cooper and Ms. Alexis Rhiannon. And yes, this is in chronological order.

1 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013Enter Bradley and Suki, Bradley in a magnificent denim-on-denim ensemble, and Suki rocking a killer twelve-year old impression in wilted overalls, a baggy white t-shirt, and big girl sneakers. It is time to take some pictures. 2 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013“Stop here, Suki. The light is best here.” 3 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013“I have brought a prop. It is a book. There is only one between the two of us, but this is alright because we are in love. I shall place my head between your legs and near your ladyparts and an afternoon of literary intercourse shall presently commence.” 4 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013 “Okay my neck hurts, so you sit on my lap this time. And Suki, my pet, how many times do I have to tell you? Please do not interrupt me when I am at my book. I shall permit you to gaze dumbly upon the sides of it as I ponder its contents, but please make sure to keep our limbs awkwardly entangled.”5 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013“Let us pretend that I have now come to a melancholic chapter in my book — SUKI I CANNOT READ ANOTHER PAGE PLEASE GIVE ME COMFORT IN YOUR BOSOMS.” 6 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013This is the point at which the director of this photoshoot should’ve said, “Okay, that’s a wrap, guys! Thanks for your patience today, I think we got our shot!” 7 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013But they didn’t, and Bradley turned perfectionist. “Never fear! All this portrait requires is a good solid scoot! I have the matter in hand! Come on Suki! I say come ON, girl!” 8 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013“Yes yes, hush now, for this is the tale of the star-crossed strangers and their tangly gangle.” Yet another point at which they could’ve and should’ve ceased their little photo shoot.9 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013…but if they had, we never would’ve been privy to this gem, which prompted Jenni to say, “Do you think they’ve ever touched each other before?” I’m thinking not. At least not on purpose. 10 Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse posing in Paris park August 2013“Eff it. Let’s just take a selfie. Mom’s expecting me home for lunch.”

(Images: PacificCoastNews.com)

Share This Post:
  • Jenni

    She looks like she walked straight out of the Babysitter’s Club movie.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      And into Bradley’s dreams!

    • DuBois

      Child bride?

      C’mon, Alexis, there are plenty of twenty-year-olds in uniform risking their necks in Afghanistan right now… and… well… I bet that you’re not incredibly far from twenty yourself, certainly not enough to treat twenty-year-olds like they’re tweens…

      And what’s the deal with your recent fake-relationship theme? Are you outing without outing? How Zen of you, if so. (If Travolta harasses a masseur in a forest and no one is there to hear it, did it really happen?)

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I like speculating about fake relationships! It’s one of my greatest joys!

    • DuBois

      Oh don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you to STOP speculating about possibly fake relationships, as I like to as well. (I choose to believe that none of Clooney’s relationships are fake, for example, whereas no one can convince me that ________, for example, is straight.)

      My only point is that I refuse to stop dating Jennifer Lawrence just because I have a few years on her…

    • http://www.imtoofancy.com/ Diana

      If 30 is the new 20 then 20 is the new 10. He looks like a child predator who found this girl by showing her some skittles and promising her a puppy.

      Sorry. I’m just old and bitter. I wish I was a child bride.

    • DuBois

      I don’t know, Diana… is that your photo? If so, what the hell are you bitter about? I’m kinda getting the feeling that you’re hot.

    • http://www.imtoofancy.com/ Diana

      That is my photo and I thank you for your lovely compliment. But I’m still bitter I can never be 20 again. The real 20 I mean. Also because I will likely never fake date Bradley Cooper.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Twenty-six is the new old and bitter. I know that because I am.

    • DuBois

      Anyway, yes, she does look younger than twenty… I really don’t think her body type represents what the average guy of Bradley’s age or older would see as the “ideal girlfriend.”

  • Laura Sudderth

    Very awkward! Gay as Gay can be.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I feel like a gay guy would’ve at least been a little more suave about the posing. I can’t figure out what Bradley’s deal is.

    • elizabeth

      he’s gay. but obviously it makes him feel shitty to have to do this bearding stuff. it’s a little sad but it’s necessary if he wants to be a bigger and bigger star

  • allisonmb

    This made my day! What’ll be next for them? And I can truly say, even if it were Bradley Cooper or the Beautiful Ryan Gosling, if we were in a park and he had a book and I did not, I would be bored, pissed, or resort to pilfering his book.

    Although perhaps! she can’t read, since she’s like, 8, and needed him to sound out the big words?

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it this touching tale of a young dad coming to the park to read to his overgrown toddler!

  • Jane Smith

    uh, it doesn’t matter what he said. Things happen, things change. You never know, you can’t help who you fall for, you don’t know who you will fall for. So it’s possible he said that, thinking that sure. Then met her and changed his mind, he fell for her.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      These pictures make you think he fell for her?

  • Stacey Judith

    I was having a bad day, this made me laugh! Thank you Crushable!! Reliable as always :)

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      You’re so welcome! Glad we could help!

  • Witherspoon

    I thoroughly enjoyed this! <3

  • DJ

    I’ve wondered whether this relationship is real or not too. But, if it is fake and strictly for PR purposes, what is the reward? Bradley does not come out looking too good in this relationship and neither does Suki. If the goal is to get her media attention, I’m not sure that is working all that well either. Some media outlets report on their relationship, but it doesn’t get that much attention. This is when I start to think that maybe he actually likes her. Also, people are saying that the book he is reading is ‘Lolita’.

    • sara

      It is fake i know it, i saw them in paris in a cafe…for the love of god…they are as fake as a couple can be…they looked acward togehter, they didnt know how to act as a couple…it al looked so forced and you could see he was not feeling it…and she looked like she was stoned or something, half the time she was looking into empty space….looking unhappy…

    • DJ

      You actually saw them? I wonder what these photo-ops are all about then. A lot of people think that he is hanging out with her in order to help her become more well-known in this country and advance her career, but I don’t know why he would agree to do that considering his rep is really being damaged.

    • sara

      That is the problem, what is he getting out of this relationship exept bad press. He referd to her as a friend on french national TV a few weeks ago and said he was single and still looking for love at the very same interview….Not even he is considering her to be his girlfriend….so i dont know, is he maybe looking to help a friend with her carrier? Is she helping him to cover something up?

      And how real can it be when he is buissy sleeping around, just last weekend he left Deniro party with TWO other girls bringing them to his hotel. In berlize where he was with Leo he had another girl, and during the Hangover PR tour he had a girl in alomost every city….he is not serious about her,..

    • DJ

      I have to ask how you know all this stuff about him leaving Robert Deniro’s party with women(and going to his hotel with them), being in Belize with a woman and sleeping with women throughout the Hangover PR tour? I mean, unless you’re with him everywhere he goes how could you know? Are you just going by internet rumors?

    • DJ

      Do you have links to any of these photos/info you’re referring to? Are you from the U.S.? Nothing personal, I’m just asking because of the way you’re writing.

    • Sara

      I know this sins I looked at comments on other articals and there I found some girls in New York talking and they said this and they also had pics… Regarding hangover there are pap photos
      Of him and a girls leaving the parties. Berlize, well there we only have roumers but even without that he is cheeting her ass off on her…and I have connections with an old friend of his that I know sins I dated his friend.

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  • Jules

    Well, I’m a little late to this but holy shit this is funny!…Alexis, you have outdone yourself my dear!. *My personal favorite: “I have brought a book…as well as the next, “okay, my neck hurts…”, comedy gold!.

  • Sara

    I am in love with this post!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!! There exists people that actually think this is so fake! I am in love!!!! I actually saw these two in paris, when i was there over the weekend with my boyfriend for my birthday….they looked nothing like a couple…they looked wierd, acward and really really fake even from up close….

  • http://www.imtoofancy.com/ Diana

    Do you think Bradley is a gay and all of his girlfriends are beards? Also, I enjoy the picture of him acting like he is interested in what he is reading.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      I’m starting to get that vibe, for sure.

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