I did a whole post on fake relationships last week, and I completely forgot to include Bradley Cooper and Suki Waterhouse. I feel so negligent, you guys! I’m really sorry! Sometimes I just get so distracted by the more blatant fakelationships out there that I totally forget to include some of my faves.
Like Bradley and Suki. They are so the best. First of all, there’s the really quality age difference (he’s thirty-eight, she’s twenty), which is made all the better by the fact that Bradley said he would never date the twenty-three year old Jennifer Lawrence…because he’s old enough to be her father. Check that math, Bradley! I was a theater major, but I’m pretty sure that twenty-three is still bigger than twenty-zero. Call me crazy.
Anyway. Bradley and his blushing British child bride spent yesterday relaxing / blatantly posing together in a park in Paris. They each sported a delightful shade (or shades!) of denim and made sure to give the paparazzi a ton of different options! Suki had her hair down, then up, then down for a second and back up again, and also experimented with lots of fun sunglasses combos. AND OH THE POSES. There are so many wonderful selections to choose from that I couldn’t even decide on just one — I had to present ten highlights in timeline form.
So, with that in mind, please enjoy the following modern art thesis project — Bradley And Suki: A Fakelationship In Repose. Co-narrated by Mr. Bradley Cooper and Ms. Alexis Rhiannon. And yes, this is in chronological order.
Enter Bradley and Suki, Bradley in a magnificent denim-on-denim ensemble, and Suki rocking a killer twelve-year old impression in wilted overalls, a baggy white t-shirt, and big girl sneakers. It is time to take some pictures. “Stop here, Suki. The light is best here.” “I have brought a prop. It is a book. There is only one between the two of us, but this is alright because we are in love. I shall place my head between your legs and near your ladyparts and an afternoon of literary intercourse shall presently commence.” “Okay my neck hurts, so you sit on my lap this time. And Suki, my pet, how many times do I have to tell you? Please do not interrupt me when I am at my book. I shall permit you to gaze dumbly upon the sides of it as I ponder its contents, but please make sure to keep our limbs awkwardly entangled.”“Let us pretend that I have now come to a melancholic chapter in my book — SUKI I CANNOT READ ANOTHER PAGE PLEASE GIVE ME COMFORT IN YOUR BOSOMS.” This is the point at which the director of this photoshoot should’ve said, “Okay, that’s a wrap, guys! Thanks for your patience today, I think we got our shot!” But they didn’t, and Bradley turned perfectionist. “Never fear! All this portrait requires is a good solid scoot! I have the matter in hand! Come on Suki! I say come ON, girl!” “Yes yes, hush now, for this is the tale of the star-crossed strangers and their tangly gangle.” Yet another point at which they could’ve and should’ve ceased their little photo shoot.…but if they had, we never would’ve been privy to this gem, which prompted Jenni to say, “Do you think they’ve ever touched each other before?” I’m thinking not. At least not on purpose. “Eff it. Let’s just take a selfie. Mom’s expecting me home for lunch.”