Just like we were warned days ago, Kanye West went on Kris Jenner’s joke of a talk show and revealed a photo of North West. And as we expected, she looks like a baby! As happy as I am that we finally got this out of the way, I can’t show you this picture and not tell you what I went through to get it.
For the first time ever, I watched Kris. I even gave her the benefit of the doubt before turning it on and was like maybe, just maybe, she’s good at this whole hosting gig. But you know what, no, no she is not. Not in any way or form or shape could she be described as “surprisingly pulling it off.” I spent the entire episode literally shaking my head and saying what aloud. How did this talk show get on air — even for a trial run?
First of all, she doesn’t even try to pretend to hide the fact that this show’s about her. With questions like, “tell me Kanye, what’s it like to live in my house?” and “when did you fall in love with my beautiful and talented daughter who happens to be available for sponsorships at this very moment,” it’s impossible to take her seriously. Okay fine, she didn’t say the sponsorships part, but she did talk to Kanye about what it was like to be in love with Kim Kardashian for the first ten minutes.
Then she moved onto talking to Kanye about Kanye. While I have no doubts that she somehow blackmailed him into being there, he didn’t look as angry as I would have imagined. Then again, he got to discuss his favorite topic: Kanye West. And it wouldn’t be a Kanye West interview if he wasn’t reminding us that he’s a glorified genius.
“Here I am, a musical genius, and I can’t even work a carseat. The last thing I need is the paparazzi being like this musical genius isn’t such a genius if he can’t work a car set”
Yep, that’s three references to himself being a genius in one hypothetical anecdote about why he won’t take North West out of her prison/castle/tower.
Not going into full body cringes yet? Well this one on for size. Kris Jenner gave her family’s annual Christmas card a full 5-minute promo (it’s practically an American tradition) and then proceeded to tell a story about Kanye West photoshopping himself into those cards years before he met the family. You know, because he loved Kim a long time before he met her. Did you know that? No? Well that’s the back story we got on Kris today. It was love at first sight. He even thought about starting to play sports to woo her. Haha, that’s a joke because her first husband (of 73 days) played sports. While I’m obviously praying that this card’s a failed Kris Jenner joke, I’m not entirely positive. Especially since she called it adorable and then failed to give us any kind of wink or nudge-nudge-lolsies. Which means that Kanye demonstrated some wildly inappropriate behavior before even meeting Kim. Someone’s therapist’s beeper just went off.
While the show proved to be incredibly painful to watch, there did prove to be one redeeming thing. When Kris Jenner started wrapping up the show and talking about how much she misses Kanye when he’s traveling, his face is all “sure, okay, whatever lady, Kim said I only had to be nice for an hour and your hour is up!” He doesn’t even give her a “I miss you too.” It’s the small things that matter after an hour of enduring Kris.