How long must a girl be rumored to be dating someone before she finally ties the knot? If Kristen Stewart’s incredibly-slow-moving relationship with Lane Garrison is any indication, the answer is 12 or more days. Because we’re on day 11 now folks and they’re just at the moving in stage. As in, it took them 11 days from “growing close” on the set of Camp X-Ray to actually moving in together. Maybe they’re trying to set some kind of world record for being the least committed couple or something, because I just don’t know how else to explain this. I mean we’re 11 days in and she hasn’t even told us if they’re officially dating.
Then again it took her approximately 16 years to admit she was dating Robert Pattinson and we’re still working on getting that whole break-up announcement in before the next decade. Rumor has it that he will literally switch bodies with the CGI baby from Breaking Dawn 2 at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, 2013 if she doesn’t tell the world that they’re broken up…via tweet or confessional interview with Diane Sawyer. For all we know, her and Rob are still playing house. With Lane Garrison, because that’s who this article is about. Sorry Robsten fans, it can’t always be about you.
Anywho, OMG UK just reported that her and Lane Garrison finally moved in together. Unfamiliar with OMG UK? Well, just know that it’s the The Wall Street Journal of the UK. I mean, just look at the colors and the layout. They scream “legitimate news source up in hurr!” Before you break open the champagne thought please know that he’s only living in her guest house. Which I think is the equivalent of telling a guy that you want to go all the way….to first base.
“Lane, come live in my house…for guests,” Kristen Stewart probably said to him, as she threw on a backwards hat and stuck her middle finger out at an intern walking by them. “You can like, use the gate in the back of the house, and um, sleep in that bed alone and stuff. JUST DON’T GO IN THE WEST WING! Once that CGI baby loses it’s last sign of looking at all lifelike, Robert is doomed.”
I just hope they pick up the speed on this ole relationship wagon before everyone gets tired of the rumors that they’re dating. It won’t be long before she gets spotted with another single guy and some reporter starts wondering if she’s putting her lecherous claws in him too.