Kim Kardashian and Kanye West approach the podium together. They tap the microphone to make sure it works, and lean forward to announce that instead of selling North West‘s baby photos and donating the proceeds to charity, they will instead introduce her on Kris Jenner‘s show to save it from its terrible ratings. A hush comes over the room…and then the crowd goes wild. Oh and the crowd is just Kris and a bunch of cardboard cutouts of Kendall and Kylie, who couldn’t be here today because they’re teaching Bruce Jenner how to drive.
I hope you enjoyed that really delightful picture I painted for you, because every single moment of it was steeped in fact and deep historical truths about the Kardashian family. But yes, we are still negotiating the rocky terrain of how best to release the first photos of little Nori. Because this is the best use of our time right now. Apparently there have been offers of at least $4 million and up to $10 million from magazines who want to purchase the rights, but
Kim and Kanye has turned them all down, holding firm on his position of two months ago.
Which…you might think sounds surprisingly upstanding of them, until you realize that they were planning to take whatever they earned from the sale of the photos and give it to charity:
“They were planning on giving it all away to [Kanye’s] charity anyway. It’s not like [North] needs to worry about [her] trust fund, Kanye’s already set aside a serious chunk of change. Kim pointed out how much that could help a charity and that they could look back on it and think of all the kids who got to better their situation because of one photo shoot.”
But nay! Instead of giving ‘well above $10 million’ to a cause supporting people in need, let’s use these pictures to give Kris Jenner and her failing television some much needed support, instead of letting it run itself into the grown, as it will do eventually anyway.
Whatever they decide to do, though, they need to make the decision soon, as the public is becoming restless after not getting a look at North yet, and Kim is starting to get nervous:
“Right now, she is worried about the safety of Nori because paps are throwing stuff over the walls, yelling awful things at her. She feels threatened and scared right now that if they don’t just let everyone see the kid, you all are gonna go cray cray on her when she does finally emerge.”
Scary stuff, guys, but child’s play compared to what would happen on Kris’ show. SHE’S A MONSTER.
(Image: Michael Carpenter / WENN.com)