As you might have heard via carrier pigeon or Hogwarts owl or just by reading the Internet, Kylie Jenner celebrated her 16th birthday this past weekend. It was a modest affair at the AT&T Building in LA, with just 150 or so of her closest friends, like Drake and some other people you’ve probably never heard of. And according to TMZ, Kylie made sure her guests didn’t go home from such a low-key party empty-handed. She sent them home with gift bags valued at over $1,000 each. So that’s like, what, $150,000 in total? Wow, what a Stingy McStingerson. It’s like she doesn’t even care. She might as well have just tossed a drink in each of her guests’ faces as they walked out the door.
Okay, so I’m totally being sarcastic, which I’m sure is very surprising because we have a strict no-sarcasm policy here at Crushable. These bags are totally expensive. TMZ, who has photos of the gift bag goodies because they’re a celebrity exclusives magnet, declared that the bags included “808 headphones, iPod speakers, Kardashian brand makeup, jewelry from her own jewelry line, gift cards, and a bunch of other crap.” Ugh, so jealous. I’ve been on the waiting list for a bunch of other crap for months now. It’s all anyone’s talking about. But as they also point out, a lot of this stuff probably wasn’t paid for by the Kardashians/Jenners. I’m pretty sure you’re not charged for things that bear your name, and also life isn’t fair and celebrities get free things from companies so they get press attention. So she is kind of a cheapskate! It all comes full circle. But I’m honestly a little surprised Kris Jenner didn’t demand to host Kylie’s party on her talk show set. You know, with the cameras accidentally rolling.
Thankfully I was not expected to give out swag at my Sweet 16 party. Mostly because my Sweet 16 involved me going to see Happy Feet after school with my family and eating dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Dancing penguins and cheesecake won’t ask you for money on your birthday. Except, you know, the money you need to pay for those things. But other than that, no swag required.