Miley Cyrus is finally talking puberty! I’m sure we were all worried she’d never go through it. I imagine she was worried too, sitting in health class learning about all the magical things her body would go through, hearing her friends brag about buying a training bra and getting their periods. I for one am thrilled that she can finally call herself a grown woman and do grown woman things like pose naked for a T-shirt and kiss a giant baby. They’re rites of passage, and she finally gets to experience them. Excuse me while I wipe this tear away.
This puberty talk started when Miley and Kelly Osbourne sat down for Fashion Police in front of a switchboard covered in grown-up candles and just got real with each other for a good three minutes and 23 seconds. Kelly was all, “Hey, isn’t it insane how people freak out over you being yourself?” which is exactly the type of question I’m sure they teach you in interview school, right before they tell you, “Oh, screw it, just answer the question for them. You know what, they don’t even have to be there.” Miley answers in true Miley fashion.
“People are like, ‘You know, how do you make the transformation from a kid to an adult?’ I’m like, it’s called puberty. Everyone’s done it from the beginning of time. I’m just doing it so you’re zooming in on it and you’re fascinated by it.”
Actually, I’d argue people are mostly asking, “Why do you stick your tongue out at me so much? Could you please stop?” I guess people interpret that question in different ways. But can we get real for a second here? You might disagree with me, and I know it’s become really cliche and kind of a cop-out to say someone’s just going through a phase, but with Miley I really believe that’s the case. The effort of acting this way — the way she thinks grown-up pop stars are supposed to act — is written all over her face. She’s not a natural at it like other stars. She doesn’t just fall into a nightclub like Lindsay Lohan or end up shirtless without realizing it like Justin Bieber. Miley has to try really hard at this, you guys. And I think eventually she’ll just get really exhausted and it’ll trigger early menopause. I’m personally very excited for hot flash Miley, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.