Before I get to this week’s Keeping Up WIth the Kardashians recap, I’d like to discuss something that’s been confusing me all season. Why did E! decide to change the Kardashians hashtag from #KUWTK to #Kards? The show is eight seasons old. It is too late to be making these kinds of drastic changes. And why Kards? Is that some well-known nickname for the family that I’ve totally missed the boat on? Because I find that kind of hard to believe.
Worst of all, E! seems to have made the change without telling the Kardashian girls. Every week before the new episode, Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe tweet things like, “Only 30 min til new #KUWTK, East Coast. Who’s watching?!” Recently, Kim seems to have picked up on the new #Kards tag, but she’s still using #KUWTK, too. And Kourtney and Khloe I guess are still unaware of the change. Either that or they’re boycotting it, which I fully support.
Okay, hashtag rant over. Let’s get to the recap. This week we learned that it’s not very hard to scare a Kardashian. From visiting their mother-in-laws to being asked to do manual labor, pretty mundane stuff really causes this family to panic. So without further ado, here are fives things that scare the Kardashians.
1. Kris Jenner is scared of Bruce’s mother…
I know lots of people don’t like their mother-in-laws, but Kris Jenner really takes this fear to another level. During the 23-year span their marriage, Kris has met Bruce Jenner’s mother Esther just four times. Kim Kardashian can’t even picture the woman, which is a bit sad if you ask me, since she is her step-grandmother (assuming step-grandmother is an thing). But Kris was forced to face her fear this week when Esther came to town to celebrate her 87th birthday. Kim didn’t attend the party, so I guess she still wont know what Esther looks like, but I do, and omigosh she’s just he cutest woman in the world. Like, seriously, can someone please start a Tumblr page about how cute this woman is? If you do, I will follow. And Kris will probably follow, too, since the two women made up this week after the birthday celebration.
2. …and fake Todd Kraines.
For those of you who don’t know who Todd Kraines is, it’s time that you learned. Todd Kraines is an actual person–I guess he’s an old family friend of the Kardashians or something–but he’s also the story behind an ongoing prank the Kardashian sisters like to pull on Kris.
I’m not sure how this got started, but for several months Kourtney and Khloe have been making Scott Disick call Kris Jenner pretending to be Todd Kraines. He has no idea what Todd Kraines actually sounds like, so he likes to use a voice that reminds me of Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol. Kris knows it’s not the real Todd calling, but somehow isn’t able to figure out that it’s Scott. She’s thinks it’s some psycho stalker or killer or other scary character that you wouldn’t want calling you. And I think it’s pretty funny and am sad the girls came clean to their mother and ended the prank this week.
3. Scott Disick is scared of work.
I guess this one isn’t really much of a surprise. No guy who refers to himself as Lord Disick is likely to enjoy putting in a long day at the office. What is surprising is the small amount of effort that actually constitutes as work to Scott. For example, prank calling Kris Jenner. The aforementioned Todd Kraines prank comes to a halt when Scott refused to keep calling. His reasoning? The girls are asking him to prank call Kris too frequently. It’s becoming a job–manual labor, even. And since the Lord does not like to work, the Lord cannot be making any more phone calls.
4. Kim Kardashian is scared of not being cool.
If you wanted to play a drinking game during this episode, take a drink every time Kim mentions Kylie’s Tumblr. She is just completely obsessed with it. More specifically, she’s obsessed with being featured on it–I know, surprising. When Kylie stops posting pictures of her older sis, Kim has this quarter-life crisis because she’s obviously old and uncool now since her 16-year-old sister doesn’t post as many photos of her.
But when Kim finds out Kylie wore her clothes to a movie premiere without asking, her insecurity turns to anger. She becomes all, “If I’m not good enough for your Tumblr, then you’re not good enough for my clothes,” and takes back every item of clothing she ever gave to Kylie. Yeah, that’s probably the best way to handle that situation. I mean, YOLO, right?
5. Rob Kardashian is scared of Khloe. Or at least he should be.
This is an actual conservation that happened on KUWTK:
Kim: How do I–
Khloe: Kill Rob?
Kim: No, get on Kylie’s Tumblr. (take a drink)
Ummm…excuse me? Khloe, girl, calm your rage. You’re supposed to be the sensible Kardashian. Or at least, like, the sensible-ish Kardashian. We don’t just go around asking how to kill people, okay? And Rob, might I recommend spending a bit more time away from the Kardashian-Odom manor.
(GIF: E! Online)