Guys, I think we may have a real Freaky Friday situation on our hands, because it’s becoming pretty clear to me that Beyonce and Rihanna have traded bodies. What am I talking about, you ask? Well Beyonce has changed her hair again. Again, you guys. Again.
I guess maybe you aren’t as traumatized by this turn of events as I am, but we here in the world of celebrity blogging rely on Beyonce a lot more than you realize. Rarely is there an artist who can provide headlines without doing something crazy like going on a Twitter tirade, getting a DUI, or having a meltdown. Or all three. We’ve found that no matter how normal and mellow you might seem beforehand, pretty much once you get famous, you lose a significant amount of self-awareness and start acting out. See: Justin Bieber, Rihanna, Miley Cyrus, etc.
But not so Beyonce! She’s the gold standard of the even keel, guys. She’s kind to her fans, manages to largely keep Blue Ivy out of the spotlight, and keeps producing great product and putting on great shows. She really seems to have her focus in the appropriate areas so WHY ARE YOU CHANGING THINGS UP ON ME NOW, BEY?? I depend on you to hold it together for everybody else! So when you got a pixie cut the other day, I got a little shiver of panic, but I calmed myself down. I was like, “Self, don’t be ridiculous. This is Beyonce. You’re sensitive to hair stuff because of Britney Spears and Miley and Amanda Bynes, but this is just a bad-ass new haircut. Plus, it’s probably just a weave anyway, you dummy. She probably just cut her weave.”
And so even though it turned it wasn’t a weave and was her real hair, I was somehow able to sleep that night. God only knows how. And now I wake up this morning, to find that Beyonce has changed things up on me again? And is now sporting a bob through the magic of extensions? WHAT NEW DEVILRY IS THIS? And it’s not even a stylish bob! It’s like a jaggedy sloppy bob. I mean look at it! And she can pull it off, obvi, because she’s Beyonce and she can do no wrong, but it’s so not her! I just want Rihanna to get out of her body and go home, y’know?
Look at the headband! The statement-making shirt! The rolled up jean shorts! It’s so obvious that she’s lurking in there, just making the best possible use of her time by making a ton of shady styling choices until she gets exorcised. I guess it makes sense, since she recently ran out of new options for her own hair, that she’d have to inhabit the body of someone else and start in on their hair. But when will this madness end?