You know that thing where you’re talking to someone you want to impress and they mention something you know nothing about but you try your best to improvise as if you do know what it’s about and then it’s just lie after lie coming out of your mouth? Jimmy Kimmel gets people to do that all the time with his Lie Witness News, except this time it’s a prank, because no, The Obesity Epidemic isn’t a real band at Coachella, and no, Justin Bieber doesn’t have car tires made of baby seals (that we know of). This time the subject people are lying about is a big one. They’re lying about Oprah Winfrey, aka the woman currently on the campaign trail against Ryan Gosling to be God. Even though Lee Daniels’ The Butler hasn’t come out yet, Jimmy has his interviewers ask if the people of L.A. liked her performance, and also if she deserves that Academy Award she’s nominated for. You know, the one that was announced just recently next January.
And surprise, surprise. People will say anything to avoid Oprah’s wrath. I gotta tell you, I don’t blame them. If they said something to cross her, who knows what she might do! She might give them a brownie that doesn’t have an edge or (I shudder to even type it) put an Oprah’s Book Club sticker on Twilight. Or — Oprah forbid — Eclipse. It could get very dark, my friends. So yes, that woman did see The Butler, and yes Oprah was absolutely robbed for her performance in Purple Rain. Robbed, I tell you! But that one guy who says he wasn’t impressed that Oprah acted from a wheelchair? Not a good choice, my friend. You do NOT get a car. That was the best wheelchair acting since Daniel Craig in Skyfall.
Oh, and Jimmy Kimmel is not immune to this Oprah-fearing behavior. He admits he’d absolutely lie to us to please Oprah. We’re a culture of liars. Am I one of them? You’re damn right I am. I can’t wait to see The Butler 2. I hope she dances again. It was especially impressive considering she was in a wheelchair and all.