If you heard the sound of millions of eyebrows crying last night, it’s because there was a rumor that Laura Prepon would be leaving Orange is the New Black after only appearing in a limited amount of episodes in season 2, which started filming last month. What’s the sound of eyebrows crying, you ask? It sounds hairy and sweaty. I don’t know what else to tell you. It’s a disturbing sound and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. But my own eyebrows made that sound when Buzzfeed reported that Laura Prepon would no longer be a series regular. The article explained that she would be there to resolve Alex Vause’s storyline in the second season, leaving the door open for a possible return, but that she “did not sign a contract tying her to the show for the upcoming season.”
This was obviously shocking news, since Alex seems to be a popular character among the show’s fans, and her relationship with the protagonist Piper (Taylor Schilling) is a huge part of the show’s plot. I’m about to give some spoilers, so don’t yell at me if you haven’t finished the show. Not only was it Piper’s relationship with drug dealer Alex that put her in prison in the first place, but their rekindled romance was key to Piper’s complicated relationship with her fiance Larry (Jason Biggs).
Do I worship Alex the same way a lot of viewers seem to? Not in the slightest. I’m much more interested in the backstories and plots of pretty much every other supporting character. Give me more Sophia and Taystee and Red and Poussey and Miss Claudette any day of the week (or rather, any hour of the binge-watch). But I think Alex is an important part of the show, since you need that main conflict to anchor the ancillary plots and flashbacks. I’m mostly worried about saying goodbye to her eyebrows. They’re magnificent. Alex’s eyebrows and Nicky’s (Natasha Lyonne) hair are in a constant competition with each other onscreen. It’s arguably the biggest conflict in the series.
Fortunately, Netflix has denied these rumors to E! News, but they did it in that fancy TV person way where they weren’t just like, “Don’t worry, her eyebrows are here to stay, she’ll be on the show for ten seasons!” Rather, this is what they had to say.
“It’s not accurate,” a Netflix rep insisted. “Our season is still developing and nothing is confirmed.”
So there’s no reason to go plucking out your eyebrows in revolt just yet. Unless you’ve already done that, in which case, wow, you look really good! Who needs eyebrows anyway?