Despite the fact that Justin Bieber’s already qualified for sainthood six times over, he still went out of his way to give a homeless woman some cash while stuck in traffic the other day. That’s right. While so many other people would’ve kept driving, he took the time to roll down his window, extend his arm out the window and hand her the cash. Mmhmm, he handed it to her. He didn’t throw it at her or make her dance for it or even make her sing all the lyrics to one of his songs — he just straight up said, “hey lady, here’s $2. Also, yes, this is a Ferrari. I bought it with my Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Do you like it? I bought six more on a whim last last night. You know, just in case one of them gets into a pesky hit-and-run sitch again.”
Witnesses say that the moments their hands touched, the heavens opened up, God appeared, handed Justin a halo and said aloud, so that everyone could hear, “well done son, well done.” Then he hopped on the Hyperloop back to Heaven and the light turned green and everyone smiled to themselves and said, “only in Hollywood!”
On the slight chance that anyone missed this momentous occasion, Justin took his generosity a step further by sharing it on Instagram with all his followers. Lest anyone think that he’s now $2.00 poorer for any other reason than a charitable one. Sure he’s not worth 130 million anymore — but being worth only 129,999,998 is totally worth it for the amount of likes he got on that Instagram photo. I’m sorry, I mean the feeling of helping someone less fortunate. No I take that back, I do mean the amount of likes he got on that photo. 763K and counting! Why with numbers like that, he could totally justify giving away a dollar or two a few times a month! Maybe even once a week! He would, of course, just need to make sure that the guy who follows him around capturing these spontaneous moments is available. After all, everyone knows that celebrity charity doesn’t count if the cameras don’t catch it.