As I’m sure you remember, everyone’s favorite Jonas Brother Kevin Jonas is going to have a baby! And yes, I’m assuming he will be doing so all by himself, because based on my understanding of sex ed, you can’t get pregnant or cause a pregnancy by cupping someone’s elbow or giving them chaste pecks on the lips. And since that’s all I’ve ever seen go down between him and his wife Danielle on Married To Jonas, and since we’re still getting a real virgin vibe from him anyway, the only logical conclusion is that the JoBros have attained the skill of self-fertilization. Congratulations! I knew you had it in you! (Literally.)
But anyway, now that Kevin is rocking that pregnancy glow on his ruddy cheeks, he has some words of infinite wisdom to share with us on the sex of the baby and whatnot. Based on his responses, it seems like he already knows what the gender will be, but he appears to want to keep that information to himself, saying:
“We have early indicators, but we’re not telling. It’s a 50 percent chance [either way].”
Okay two things. 1. What are these early indicators? Did a gypsy roll some water down Danielle’s stomach and smell inside her ears? Or did you look at a sonogram and see a little pee-wee tinkle? Because those are two very different indicators, and I’m only willing to bet on one of them. And 2. Excellent math skills. We’re all very impressed.
He also made a point of saying what kinds of uncles Nick and Joe will be, due to a contractual obligation to list their differences in interviews whenever possible, so as to avoid confusion. There used to actually be a fourth and fifth Jonas Brother, but their interests were so similar (journaling, baking, slalom) that they stopped being reported on and the remaining guys had to kick them out of the band to avoid embarrassment. It was a whole thing.
So anyway, apparently Joe will “bring this adventurous side,” maybe through sex tapes (!!), and Nick will bring “morals and passion and music.” So maybe no sex tape, but we can always hold out hope that he’ll find a Miley Cyrus by the side of the road and bring her home and keep her! Dare to dream!