It’s 6:30 A.M and I’m still trying to comprehend the news that I just read on TMZ about Justin Bieber’s first alleged naked-ish photo leak. And I not only say naked-ish because we only see his butt, but also because the photo sesh involved his grandmother. I think it’s illegal to not put the ish in there when the elderly get involved. But before you start racking your brain for the appropriate Lifetime movie reference for what you just read, let me clear something up real fast. These supposed photos were not at all sexual in nature. (But don’t worry Beliebers, I have no doubts that selfies are coming annyyyy day now.) According to TMZ, the Biebs was allegedly just playing a little Canadian Thanksgiving prank on his family in October 2012.
Bieber finally woke up after hearing family and friends stirring around the house — so he thought he’d prank ‘em … by grabbing his guitar and playing a naked set a la Jenny from “Forrest Gump” (‘memba that?). We’re told birthday-suited Bieber went right up to his grandma and started belting out some impromptu lyrics … like, “I Loooove you grandmaaaa … how are youuuu … helloooo grandma.”
While my family’s also all about the Thanksgiving fun ‘n gamez. The fun usually involves trying not to start one-upping each other about childhood trauma before dessert. And the games usually involve seeing how long you can avoid helping with the dishes. Then again no one in my family is an international pop star. So I can see how that might up the stakes a bit. How one might think that the best way to greet your family on a holiday is to remove one’s clothes and serenade them. And how the family might feel slightly (to very) uncomfortable with the situation, but have to put up with it when they remember that this extremely naked singer paid for the turkey. And the stuffing. And the maple syrup and whatever else it is that Canadians eat during Canadian Thanksgiving.
“Justin,” his mother probably said with hesitation, “Justin, sweetheart, that’s a wonderful Forrest Gump impression-”
“I know,” said Justin as he continued his song, “but don’t interrupt me again woman.”
“Damn right!” said Scooter Braun from a corner, where he sat gnawing on a giant turkey leg.
“It’s just that, well Justin,” said his mother, “you’re making your Grandmother and um, everyone, uncomfortable, and maybe, this is a maybe honey bunches of oats, you can put your clothes on.”
“What does un-com-for-ta-ble mean?” asked Justin, sounding out the word slowly and carefully, just the way he learned to do when he got confused.
“Put your goddamn clothes on Justin!” yelled his grandmother.