â€” Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) August 8, 2013
The most amazingest thing happened in the world yesterday and I’m still coming to terms with what exactly it means. Ariana Grande, who’s the lovechild Mariah Carey never had with herself, shared a photo of Justin Bieber kissing her ON THE CHEEK! Do you have any idea how close the cheek is to the lips. Don’t check on Google Maps because I’ll tell you myself, very close. So I think it’s totally and completely fair to say they kissed. And if it’s fair to say they kissed, then I think we can take it a step further and say that they’re dating. And you know what happens to people who date. They get married and have babies and live together for about three years before everything starts to go downhill and they get divorced and only speak to each other through gritted teeth when they’re forced to go to events together to support their child. Eeeee! I can’t sit still just thinking about their ah-mazing future together.
But let me back up for a hot sec and give you all the juicy deets. Ariana Grande’s now opening up for Justin Bieber on his Tour de Out-of-Control-Overgrown-Teenager. Because why give overly dramatic teenage girls one heart attack when you give them two in one night! And now that they’re co-workers, they’re obviously hanging out a lot. As it is always is with co-workers, friendly banter leads to becoming Facebook friends which leads to kissing. I’ve haven’t been in the workforce for that long, but even I know that’s one of H.R’s favorite things for co-workers to do. “Kiss!” they always scream at Crushable work events, “quit being a baby and just do it!”
After Ariana shared the kiss photo on Twitter, the kids went wild. Just absolutely wild. 57,000+ RTs and 53,000+ likes. Justin Bieber promised if they got up to 100,000 RTs, he would stop wearing skants (skirt pants) and just wear a straight up skort. Or so I overheard today when Justin Bieber’s monkey called me to look up how to say Banana in German.