• Tue, Aug 6 - 11:40 am ET

Everything I Learned About Juan Pablo Galavis, The New Bachelor, From GIFs Alone

When you woke up this morning, did you feel like something in the world was fundamentally different? Like there had been a major shift, like life as you knew it would never be the same? Oh, you didn’t? Yeah, neither did I. But apparently we should have, because ladies, there is a new Bachelor in town and his name is Juan Pablo Galavis.

Here’s the thing. While I love me some trashy reality television, I have never, and I mean really never, seen a single episode of either The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. It’s just a kind of ridiculousness that doesn’t really appeal to me. You get set up with a bunch of randos who are probably looking for their 15 minutes of fame more than anything else (although I guess you would be, too, if you agreed to be the Bachelor or Bachelorette). Then you go on a bunch of elaborate dates, and oh, you’re supposed to fall in love and get engaged to one of those randos. But hey, if you’re one of the romantic hopefuls and things don’t work out for you, you might just get to be the next Bachelor or Bachelorette!

Maybe I’m being unfair because I’ve never actually watched the show. So I decided to educate myself about this new Bachelor, this Juan Pablo Galavis. And I decided to do this using the best tools the internet has to offer: GIFs. So here’s what I know about Juan Pablo, based on GIFs alone.

He likes soccer? Or… he likes to be photographed. (That’s him posing for the other contestants’ fake cameras.)

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Really, he likes attention.

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Oh, actually he’s a former pro soccer player.

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No shame + nice biceps = ??

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He is very enthusiastic and supportive.

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He has a very expressive face, the eyebrows in particular. If you do something he thinks is stupid, he will say so.

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Again with the faces. He feels… comfortable laughing at himself?

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I KNOW, I know this isn’t a GIF, but he’s a single dad and his daughter is pretty adorable.

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