The latest season of The Bachelorette wrapped up last night and while Desiree Hartsock had quite a bumpy ride getting there, she found “true love” with Chris Siegfried. Yes, I’m using sarcastic quotes, but Chris Harrison, ABC and many people out there actually do think it’s possible to find your soul mate on television. Especially on a reality show where roses represent emotion and one lady or gent dates fifteen gents or ladies at a time.
Hey, if you think it could work for you, go for it! (By the way, Juan Pablo is the next Bachelor, so sign up right now! That news could even make a believer out of me.) Here’s how you could become a contestant on the next Bachelor or Bachelorette. If you use our steps, we promise to give you a nice doppelganger!
First, Determine Your Eligibility
Before you apply, you need to know if you’re even eligible. The whole of the Eligibility Requirements can be found here. It reads like an apartment lease, so I’ve taken out a few key points that might knock you out of the running immediately. But you should definitely read the whole thing if you’re actually going to do this.
- If you know anyone that works for ABC or anything even vaguely having to do with ABC, then you are not eligible.
- You cannot be running for political office.
- Y’all gotta be American, ya hear? Or a resident alien. Or able to travel “without restrictions” to the US.
- You have to have a passport and it can’t expire within the next year. And! You have to be allowed to travel to Europe, so that’s exciting.
- You best be 21.
- You have to be single. Seems obvious, right? They define single as what everyone generally takes it to mean, but go on to say that you can’t be in a “monogamous dating relationship more than two months in duration.” So, a month and a half is totally cool, I think?
- No felons! No misdemeanor-ers! No restraining order havers!
- You could totes die and you have to be okay with that.
- You must be willing to skydive, snow ski, ice skate, parasail, water ski, rollerblade, “and the like.” What’s the like? Couldn’t tell ya. Possibly rollerskating.
- You might be video taped 24/7.
- You can’t have been on other reality shows or be currently applying for any.
- You might have to get a psychological examination.
So, to summarize, if you can swim, enjoy winter sports, have a passport, aren’t literally crazy, and don’t mind a ton of people being all up in your biz, then…
There are a few ways to apply. You can fill out an online form or your can be old school and mail in an application. If you do this, it seems like it might be a good idea to also send a video of yourself. And by seems like a good idea I mean ABC’s website basically shouts through the screen that if you don’t send a video, you’re stuff just might get thrown in the trash.
Here are the most important tips for making the video:
- Don’t send in a VHS tape. You can make the video using DVD, mini DVD, or mini DV.
- Don’t have it look terrible.
- Don’t wear a hat or sunglasses.
- Don’t chew gum. (Seriously? Were a lot of people doing this or something?)
- Don’t have really loud background noise going. Even if your TV is playing The Bachelor in the background, just don’t.
The Home Tape Instructions also give a number of sample questions for you to answer. They suggest having a friend stand off camera and ask you the questions so you seem natural. Some of the best ones are:
- “Have you ever been in love? If no, why not, and if yes, tell us your love story!” Um… who the heck has an answer to why they’ve never been in love? Oh right, people who are on The Bachelor/ette! I would guess something like, “Because after my parents’ divorce and the death of my childhood pet, I closed myself off to commitment” would suffice.
- “Describe your ultimate fantasy date!” I would say, “We would travel somewhere really cool and eat a lot of good food and get our tan on, but I would get plenty of alone time because I get irritable!” Needless to say, I would not be a good contestant.
- “What would your hometown date be like?” From what I’ve seen on the show, all of the contestants have really normal seeming parents and are upper middle class. Say your hometown date would be something that provokes the word “wholesome.”
Another option is to attend an audition and although there is a page for this on ABC’s website, there are no auditions currently listed. They suggest applying online or via mail to “get a jump start,” but it would probably be a good idea to check back for when the audition cities are listed.
If you don’t want to be on the Bachelor or Bachelorette yourself, but know someone who would, you can nominate them. You can even do this without their knowledge! How fun! By the way, this might cause the person to hate you.
To anyone out there that actually goes through with this, I wish you luck! Let us know how it goes. And please, please, click on the links to the actual forms and READ EVERYTHING. I don’t want anyone
signing their life away going parasailing without their knowledge.