If you guys have done any blinking today, you probably missed it, but Kim Kardashian just made her post-baby debut. It was on Kris Jenner‘s new talk show, naturally, as contracts written in blood are the most binding of all contracts, ergo Kris never works with anything else. She learned her lesson when Kim and Kris Humphries got divorced after foolishly signing their marriage contract in regular old ink. Can you imagine?!?
Anyway, Kim didn’t appear on-set in all her post-pregnancy glory, but she did take a break from what I assume is a 24/7 gym regimen in a panicky attempt to get back to her pre-baby body as soon as possible — a process described in Hollywood-speak as ‘breast-feeding, eating right, and light Pilates’ — to film a quick segment for her mom, expressing her support. TMZ has the video:
“I just wanted to say congratulations on your new show. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there in person, but I’m just loving life a little bit too much at home right now. But I watch you every single day and you are so amazing. You really are born to do this. I just want to say I love you and have an amazing show.”
And then POOF! She disappeared back into her secret celebrity groundhog hole in a cloud of hype and swag, and we cut back to the studio, where P Diddy was giving Kris a comforting rubdown after the emotional catharsis of seeing a video clip of her daughter. With whom she currently resides. Like, in the same house and stuff.
And that was it, folks! I hope your detective skills are up to par, so you could look at her post-pregnancy face and extrapolate what her post-pregnancy body looks like. And ideally you got enough of a sound bite of her voice to interpret by its tones whether she’s a good mom to (the presumably adorable but still un-debuted) North West or not.
Or if thirty seconds wasn’t long enough for you to get those things under control, I guess that’s kind of on you. It’s just that it’s 2013, y’know? Your body- and mommy-shaming skills should be more established by now. You gave yourself plenty of practice throughout Kim’s entire pregnancy, so what’s your excuse?