You guys, I’ve just made a life-altering realization. It’s honestly mind-blowing, and I should be heralded as a hero in modern society for figuring it out. What are the two Justin Bieber-related things we complain about most frequently? It’s a tough question, I know, because there are so many possible answers, but I’ll give you a hint — 1. him never wearing a shirt and 2. him getting all the tattoos. All of them. (Also, sorry about the spoiler. Apparently I suck at hints.)
Anyway. We’re constantly writing posts and complaining to each other at work that Justin’s always roaming the world shirtless and mindlessly decorating his body with permanent nonsense art BUT WHAT IF THOSE TWO THINGS ARE CONNECTED? What if Justin wants to wear a shirt, and he tries desperately every morning to do so and to nurture said shirt throughout the day? He cares for it and sings it sweet songs, but by the end of the day, no matter how hard he tries, it jumps off of his body and runs off down the street to hide itself somewhere on the globe like a cloth Carmen Sandiego. It’s a tragic affliction, but one that Justin suffers through silently as he searches for a solution — namely, making himself a permanent ink shirt out of tattoos.
This theory occurred to me when I noticed that Justin had gotten a new tattoo, of a rose, adding to the one of his mom’s eye, and the tiger, and the owl, and the koi, and the Selena Gomez face, and the…well, you get it. There are a lot. He’s finished his sleeve now, and I was like — what? Sleeve? What? AHA! Who makes sleeves? SHIRT-MAKERS! Justin is making a shirt! He’s never been completely open about it because he’s ashamed, and there’s still a lot of stigma attached to it in the media, to be honest.
But the signs are all there, guys. You just have to pick them up to see that Justin is trying to make himself a genuwine ink shirt out of premium, top-shelf tattoos. He’s trying to kill two birds with one stone, if you will, and ain’t that a marvel.
And to think! You would have missed all this if you didn’t have me as your guide through the tall waving grasses of the celebrity landscape. You’re just about the luckiest tourists in town, dontcha think? Keep up the good work, Justin, and call me if you need any detail work done on the button parts.