• Thu, Aug 1 2013

Justin Bieber Fan Throws iPhone Onstage, Proving Brain Farts Are Contagious

Justin Bieber iPhone thrown onstage July 2013Another day, another thousand brain cells destroyed by the antics of Justin Bieber. Okay so go ahead, what is it this time? Did he try to drive a boat on land? Did he break up with Selena Gomez and start wearing a promise ring? Did he abandon another monkey in a foreign country, or was it something more exotic this time, like a manatee? I’d believe almost anything at this point.

But this time, it’s not Justin who’s acting like a dumb-dumb, it’s his fans! Ah, what a pleasant surprise! I didn’t even see you come in, Beliebers, but please have a seat and get to acting wacky! At Justin’s show in Newark a couple days ago, his fans were doing that normal thing where they throw their bras onstage (one day there will come a time when you realize bras aren’t free, and you can’t afford to throw them at baby millionaires), until one person threw their iPhone onstage. Threw. Their iPhone. Onstage. THREW A MINI-COMPUTER WORTH HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS ONSTAGE. I just. I can’t.

Ladies, what are you wanting Justin to do with your phones? Do you think he’s gonna put his number in and you can gently text each other to sleep? Don’t be ridiculous: Justin doesn’t know his own number. Do you think he’s gonna even know who threw the phone onstage and politely hand it back to you? C’mon, guys, he’s not some kind of genius astrophysicist or something. He doesn’t know where things come from or how to get them back there.

Oh and remember earlier when I said Justin didn’t act like a dumb-dumb in this video? Well that was a lie, because his response to not knowing to whom the phone belongs is to put it down his pants. Pants that are so effing diaper-y that he has to hold them up by the crotch as he swaggers around stage in his little red gloves like he’s going to half of a motocross rally later. Is there some kind of weird air in a Bieber concert that wipes the brains of everyone present clean of all intelligent thought? NONE OF THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME.

 

So I guess it’s like a thing? Beliebers really like when Justin takes their phone and either A. takes a winking selfie video with it, or B. puts it down his pants and then throws it back into the crowd at random.

But don’t worry everyone — in case you had any faith in the intelligence of humanity left, please proceed to the comment section for the video for gems like ‘I REALLY WISH TO BE THAT FUCKING PHONE THAT SHOULD BE ME’ and ‘I CANT BREATHE OMFG HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE IN JUSTINS PANTS GOSH I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING TO BE THE PHONE’. You’re killin’ it, ladies. Killin’ it.

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