When it comes to anyone versus Kris Jenner, I’ll always be on Team Anyone. But when it comes to Ellen DeGeneres versus Kris Jenner, I’ll be on the front lines, fighting the good fight. Between her menagerie of child Youtube stars and myself, we’ll most definitely win this war. And thanks to Sophia Grace and Rosie, we’ll probably win it while listening to a little Nicki Minaj.
According to our overly dramatic friends at The National Enquirer, Ellen’s upset that Kris Jenner’s new show has better ratings than her in some markets. So she’s therefore going on the offensive and reminding everyone that Kris is only out for herself. And the fact that she has so many guest stars on the show already proves that she doesn’t have the personality to carry her own show. Also, she’s a money-grubbing monster who tried to pimp out her brand new grandbaby for ratings.
Unfortunately for Ellen, she’s going about this (alleged) war all wrong. All wrong indeed. Everyone already knows that Kris Jenner is Satan’s estranged stepsister and that she would gladly sell her whole family into slavery if it meant ratings. Ellen needs to remind everyone that she’s best by being the best. And that means getting all her classic celebrity guests on board. I want to see Kristen Bell hold a sloth, I want to see Taylor Swift scream from being scared and I want to see Diane Keaton wasted. Oh also I want to see Kate McKinnon imitiate Ellen and I want to see her do it right now.
Kris Jenner’s guest list reads like a who’s who at the Kardashian Family Thanksgiving table. There’s no way that her show is or will ever be better than Ellen’s show. And I’m saying that never having seen it. So it’s time that Ellen step up her game and get the best back on the show.