While I spent many years wishing and hoping and praying that J.K Rowing would surprise us with an 8th Harry Potter book, this video of a drunk Ron Weasley (played brilliantly by Simon Pegg) wishing his old pal Harry Potter a happy 33rd birthday on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon reminds me why it’s a good thing that she didn’t. Middle-aged people are the worst. Even when they’re magical. While we’d all like to believe that Harry, Ron and Hermione grew up to be upstanding adults who got together once a year at someone’s lake house and reminisced about the time they brought about the destruction of the dark lord, I just don’t think that’s the way it would’ve played out.
Let’s start with the fact that Harry Potter’s a former child star. Albeit, not the traditional sort, but still famous since birth because of his parents, and not because of anything he actually did. After years and years of praise and adulation — that must have only intensified after he killed Voldemort — it stands to reason that he became an insufferable prick. A Justin Bieber, if you will. And Ron and Hermione? There’s no way that relationship lasted more than a few years. Sexual attraction’s great and all, but Hermione’s a genius and Ron’s a redhead. The good gods above gave us Cory and Topanga as our generation’s most unlikely couple, do you really think they’d give us a second? And Neville? Well Neville most certainly never spoke to any of them again after his self-help book, The Sword Comes to Those in Need, turned into a bestseller. Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot Draco. He went into investment banking.
So yeah, that’s why we don’t need an 8th Harry Potter book. We just need reminders, like the one you’re about to watch below, every so often to remind us exactly why.