Someone get President Obama on the phone, because there appears to be a shirt shortage in Hollywood, and it’s forcing male celebrities to not only walk down the street with just their abs to keep them warm, but also to post shirtless selfie after shirtless selfie on social media. Heck, even Geraldo Rivera is getting in on the action, to no one’s relief. I have to hand it to the latest offender, Nick Jonas. He really set himself apart. How, you ask? Why, by briefly turning himself into a Renaissance painting and sharing this amazing feat with the world.
As you can see above, the youngest JoBro shared a shirtless picture of himself on Instagram yesterday. As you can also tell, he practically copied and pasted the same caption every shirtless celebrity uses when sharing a photo of his shirtlessness: “I never do this but…” As in, I’ve never done this before, but I’m going to do it now even though it’s completely unnecessary. But it’s all because he’s proud of being healthy, you guys. Why does the visual representation of health always have to be a half-naked photo? What if I shared an X-ray of my rib cage and was like, “I never do this, but I just wanted to show off how healthy I’ve gotten my bones to be. #drinkmilk”?
But beyond all this, the most noteworthy part of this photo is how much it doesn’t look like a photo. That totally looks like a painting, right? And not just any painting, but the kind of painting you’d find in the Louvre of Celebrity Selfies. Is there a Michelangelo filter on Instagram? Just look at that halo around his head, the chiaroscuro around his pelvic bone, the rosiness on his cheeks. I know I can’t be the only one with the following image dancing through their mind. Don’t lie.
There’s also the question of how in the world he took this picture. Was someone else behind the camera but holding it at a low angle to make it look like a selfie? Did he just use his mind? Is he a Jedi? As OK! magazine points out, the Nike logo on his waistband is backwards, so he probably took it on his laptop’s webcam. And somehow that makes this whole thing even more ridiculous. Because he’s in the bathroom, but he didn’t need the mirror. Although he probably didn’t need a camera either, since he could have just hired a painter to achieve the same effect.