Okay, so last night on The Bachelorette finale part one was pretty intense, even for a cynic like me. They’ve been teasing all season that someone was gonna leave the show and break Desiree Hartsock‘s heart (I won’t tell you who just yet in case you haven’t seen the episode and want to learn it piece-by-piece in the recap), but I always assumed that it was a ratings ploy and that both people would be in on it. After last night’s episode, though, I’m pretty sure that Des was caught completely off-guard.
Speaking as someone who has seen Des try to cry and fail before, I don’t think she would’ve been able to pull out such an emotional reaction if she’d known that what was coming was coming. I really and truly think she was blindsided, just based on the way she was sobbing and covering her face instead of squeezing it around in front of the cameras trying to coax out some tears. Every part of her behavior that I’ve come to identify as phony was wiped away, and she turned into a heartbroken young woman instead of the polished former bridal stylist in the middle of her very own reality TV fairytale.
It was hard to watch, but in an incredibly mesmerizing way, because Des was letting herself feel things on camera for the first time instead of forcing herself to show feelings that she has to fake or dredge up, like she usually does. She kind of lost control for the first time, and it was pretty insane to watch. And so, in keeping with the theme of the week, I present to you, The 16 Most Painful Things From The Bachelorette Last Night. In order of appearance.
- Drew pulling over to kiss Desiree by the side of the road. You guys can’t go one car ride? You don’t even like the guy.
- The fact that the phrase, “I’m ready to get my dance on,” came out of Des’ mouth.
- Turns out Drew was ready to propose to Des a couple weeks ago. “She’s going to ruin him,” says my boyfriend, looking up from the book he’s pretending to read in between bouts of laughter at how dumb the show is.
- The fact that Brooks feels like he has to propose to Des even though he’s not in love with her. Can’t this show end without a proposal? Like, would the world end? Let’s stop acting like it’s weird he’s not immediately down to marry a girl he’s known for two months on national television.
- Desiree’s fringe vest that she’s wearing for her date with Chris. The girl is dressed like she came straight from the set of a TLC video. Ouchies.
- Chris’ sad puppydog eyes when Des is super not into moving to Seattle. Even though she says she’s down for it.
- THE POETRY. Always the poetry.
- Brooks practicing breaking up with Chris Harrison before he does the real thing with Des.
- The fact that he’s totally fine with marriage, being in love, and making a commitment — it’s specifically Des that he says he’s not into.
- Des excitedly describing the date that she’s planned after we’ve already seen Brooks decide he’s ending things and leaving the show today.
- Seeing Des actually cry for the first time on the show.
- The fact that Brooks apparently didn’t know Des loved him. Even though THE ENTIRE REST OF THE NATION DID.
- The fact that that might have changed how he handled things.
- Both of them prolonging this horrifically painful conversation just to spend more time with each other. Ugh god I hate it. It’s so familiar and wretched.
- Watching Brooks question himself.
- Desiree shutting down his entire argument about her seeming indecisive by saying, “You want to know why I was conflicted? Because I didn’t want to share my heart; I wanted to give it to you.” Oh god. My poor cynical heart. It…ouch.
Guys, I’m the worst and I really don’t take this show seriously, but I think Des was really and truly in love with Brooks and was completely shocked and devastated by his decision to leave. Blegh. I’m sure the producers are thrilled, because it’s great television…but oof. Just oof.
(Image: Hollywood Life)