Have I mentioned lately that Sister Wives on TLC is my new favorite guilty pleasure? Because it is. The show’s fifth season premiered last week, to much fanfare, mostly in the form of my recap, and last night’s second episode didn’t disappoint either. The show is just such an insane collection of beliefs packaged as a totally normal situation. This guy Kody Brown has got four wives! How scandalous and glamorous! Oh but wait! He also has four marriages. Not really scandalous or glamorous at all. And four sets of children, all of whom view him as kind of an absent father because they only see him one-quarter of the time. What an interesting and intriguing thing to watch — way more intriguing and interesting, in fact, than the concept by itself suggests
So let’s just abandon all pretense of being highbrow and admit that we watch this show because of the insane levels of creepiness and awkwardness it induces in my stomach lining, and leap right aboard the schadenfreude train. And so, without further ado, I present to you, The Ten Most Awkward Parts of Sister Wives Last Night:
- That the women are divided.
Robyn feels like Janelle is not committed to the My Sister Wives’ Closet thing, and Janelle is like, “Uh yeah, dude, you’re right. I’m not. We should quit doing it.” Basically, imagine a normal marital argument between a husband and wife that would typically be won by the wife…and then add in three more wives with differing opinions every time you’re about to reach a compromise. Obsessed.
- Watching Kody trying to parent.
Like I said, he spends zero time with these kids, so he has no credibility. Janelle points out that she’s basically a single mom with teenage boys…and a stranger sitting down in her living room on his laptop, getting sassy.
- Janelle referring to the family as ‘a living breathing organism’.
- Christine having a meltdown about doing real estate.
Either do it or don’t, lady, but you gotta stop being such a weirdo about it. Did you really think this was the type of job you’d be able to do from home so your kids wouldn’t miss you? Get real.
- Kody’s choice of body poisitions.
During that whole conversation with Christine about real estate, he’s lounging around on the bed like a cat. It’s weird.
- How poorly-behaved Robyn’s kids are.
The two older girls are trying to wake up the baby, Solomon, while he’s sleeping. PULL IT TOGETHER AS PARENTS, BROWN FAMILY.
- The housing / finance situation.
Meri and Robyn’s houses will be done first, but they haven’t completed their financing for the loans, while Christine and Janelle have completed their financing, but may not be able to move in ’til Christmas.
- Kody explaining their polygamous situation to the rapelling guy.
“I’ll take the category of ‘Things That Guy Didn’t Need To Know’ for $1000, Alex.”
- Hearing that Meri’s daughter Mariah is ‘feeling the call to live plural marriage’.
I guess it makes sense, but in my head I always imagined these kids would grow up and make their way out of the polygamy community. But nope. Looks like the cycle’s gonna continue.
- The Christian Mingle commercial that aired during the show.
It instructed me to “find God’s match for you”. You know what? I think I’m okay for right now, since I’m worried his match for me might be a. a long-haired balding FLDS Mormon who dyes his hair and b. the same as his match for a couple other ladies. But thanks.
(Image: E! Online)