There are a few things in the world that people generally don’t admit to, like how they round their weight down 10 pounds, how they sometimes eat a second dinner at 1 AM and how beyond wasted they are in public. Those things are especially taboo if you are a celebrity, mostly because people like me exist. And by “people like me,” I’m talking about those strange souls who get a tingly feeling all over whenever a famous person does something controversial.
Today’s episode of, “Seriously…We Know You’re Not Sober,” features an extra special appearance by Ginuwine. You know, the guy who once duped you into thinking that you were singing about ponies when you were actually singing about a different “p”. Anyway, after looking exactly like a person who was high on drugs for an entire set with his group TGT, Ginuwine blamed his behavior on a 5-Hour Energy drink. Now, I’m no expert, but I am a person who’s consumed, like, 4 cups of coffee in one hour and I know that Mr. Wine was probably telling a little fib (or a big fib — I don’t really know how to measure lies).
Listen, I know it can get lonely being a celebrity and I wouldn’t want to make him feel like he’s the only one who’s blatantly ignored the social norm of being sober in public. That’s why I decided to remedy this situation by dragging these 7 other publicly intoxicated celebs down with him! I know, I know, I’m too good a person.
1. Britney Spears
Once upon a time in 2007, Brit stumbled around the stage in a sparkly bra and panties during her VMA performance like a sorority girl on Thirsty Thursday. It was shocking for people to see the once-full-of-energy starlet doing awkward booty pops and dragging her self around in front of a group of dancers who were actually moving in real time. Britney avoided the accusations at first but, in her book, admitted to being drunk on tequila during it. I suppose a late truth is better than no truth at all.
2. One Direction
The boys of 1D have made it well-known that they give zero fricks about being a boy band with a squeaky clean image. That’s why when they were taking shots from a water bottle and then passing the bottle around, everyone assumed that they were 100% drinking vodka in the middle of their concert. Niall Horan then took to Twitter to kinda sorta clear up the rumors, pointing out that despite the fact that it even he could see how it looks like they’re having Happy Hour right onstage, they totally weren’t. Suuure, you weren’t, Niall.
3. JoJo, of Jodeci
Instead of being just a little drunk onstage like the other newbz, JoJo was allegedly completely plastered. “How plastered?!”, you ask in a vaguely shocked tone. Well, since you asked, so plastered that he fell off of the stage in the middle of his performance! Seriously, if you’re too drunk to stand up without toppling over, maybe you’re too drunk to go onstage and sing in front of people. I don’t know, just a suggestion.
4. Justin Bieber
Okay, you already knew he’d be on this list because if there’s ever a list of bad things a celebrity has done, you’ve got a plethora of options to choose from Bieber‘s recent past. One little gem came in the form of the Biebs allegedly smoking pot, speeding through his otherwise safe neighborhood, and then being chased down by his football player neighbor. He, too, turned to the Twitter machine to declare his innocence, which exactly no one believed because, uh, this isn’t the first time he’s allegedly operated a vehicle while high. No sympathy here.
5. LeAnn Rimes
Last year, when LeAnn performed a duet with 13-year-old Carly Sonenclar, she was immediately accused of being drunk during their performance. Perhaps those rumors started because she was an exact replica of someone at a bar right after they’ve finished their 4th shot and right before they start crying about how much she loves everyone.
Adele admitted years later to often getting super drunk before going onstage early on in her career, saying that she’d sometimes forget the words to her own songs. Lucky for her, it happened before anyone thought to record her drunken performances so the world can continue on adoring her.
7. Selena Gomez
Selena, who is usually chipper and upbeat (in an almost annoying way), gave an allegedly drunk interview after an InStyle party, during which she gushed about Jennifer Lawrence and slurred all of her words into one big word. Doesn’t she know that professing your undying love for J-Law is the first, and most reliable, indicator of someone who’s had a few too many?? (Except for here at Crushable, of course, where all crushes on Jennifer are accepted and welcomed with open arms.)
The moral of the story is that you should try your hardest to be sober when you’re outside, especially if there’s a really good chance that someone could document all of the embarrassing things that you’ll do. Also, it probably wouldn’t hurt to get some contracts drawn up, in case you don’t trust people even when you’re in private.
(Lead Photo: B. Downling/WENN)