Yes, that’s right: Jennifer Aniston‘s toe has made headlines. I guess people are just getting really tired of hearing about her empty uterus and shattered dreams because of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie eight years after their love triangle changed the world as we know it. I don’t know, I’m just guessing. Anyway, Jennifer admitted that her fiance, Justin Theroux (aka Vaughn, “the early finisher” from Sex and the City–you’re welcome for the reminder), is responsible for the injury. OHMYGOD. Is this really the only thing we can come up with to associate with yet-to-be-married Jennifer Aniston these days? Oh wait, how could I forget the Big Mac story? Jeez.
During the We’re the Millers premiere this weekend, Jen told E! news all about it: Justin
refuses to grow up or embrace summer weather wears “these boots” and her tiny, delicate, toe-ring-loving feet were just too dainty to withstand the hulking manliness of his footwear.
Somehow this all ties into her being unwed and motherless, as those two things are synonymous with the name “Jennifer Aniston” and always will be because Brad Pitt. E! was also quick to point out that she and Justin have been engaged for nearly a year, but don’t have a date set. Well the reason why is obvious, don’t you think? She clearly has no real aspirations in life. Having a successful series that will live on in people’s hearts forever and a decent, million-dollar movie career? Meh. Getting married and popping out baby after baby after baby with gorgeous hair and toned arms? That’s real life, guys. No wonder she broke her toe. It was probably so lonely being un-pregnant and un-wifed it tried to escape, only to be trampled upon by the iron-clad stomp of her future husband.
Serves it right.